Last week I did one of my favorite end-of-the-year tasks; I went and bought a new day planner. Actually, in this crap economy I bought a cheap day planner that I cut part of so I could jam it into the fancy leather cover from the one I bought last year. I am so green. And thrifty. The cheap day planner though is covered with flowers and water color painting so I really hope I never lose it because the person that finds it will think I am a 90 year old woman looking to schedule vet appointments for her cats and when some cable network is going to do a “Matlock” marathon.
But just in case it does ever go missing, I am responsible and usually write my name and e-mail address someone in the front so the kind soul that finds it can return it to me after finding out how sad my social life really is. So I was a bit shocked when I opened up the Hallmark Channel version of the day planner to find an entire section dedicated to personal information that I can fill out. I assume this idea started with the suggestion that it would be a good idea in case said day planner was ever lost, and then went horribly wrong from there.
Here are the sections included on the two pages of personal information:
If Found Please Return To:
Okay, I understand this. Like I said, I would love to have my planner returned to me of I lost it, but why do they need information like my passport number and social security number. Glad to see that in this day of prevalent identity theft people are being encouraged to put this kind of information in such a non-secured place.
In Case of Illness or Accident, Notify:
Because when I find a person passed out in an airport bathroom the first thing I reach for is their day planner. Actually, I would most likely let the cops handle those pesky details of tracking down the next of kin.
Emergency Medical Instructions:
Blood type. Really? Allergies. Isn’t that what those medic alert bracelets are for? The name and number of your Eye Doctor. Does Lenscrafters count? My Medical Coverage Company and Policy Number. Now here they are just assuming that I have medical insurance…which I do but I’ll be damned if I know the number. That’s why they give me the insurance card, isn’t it?
Important Telephone Numbers:
All of the following pretty much have the same number.
* Police Emergency
* Fire Department
So you want to guess what that number might be?
Great, so that person you are about to hook up with at the hotel bar can check and see if you are married
Where to abduct the little ones from with your van and promise of candy
I don’t believe I am related to my vet so I don’t really understand why this is in the family section…
How many people keep an attorney on retainer or know them well enough to list them here?
I think mines name is Dave and that is all I know about him
Um. Yeah. No.
Chances are he is in some mental ward at this point so why bother him during afternoon meds?
Because at all times you need to know, or have the ability to tell others, the number for your General Contractor, Plumber, Painter, Cleaning, Lawn Care and Auto Mechanic are.
I am fighting the urge to fill these out with humorous yet incorrect numbers and leave it somewhere for a person to find and see what the end result is. But then again, if I lose it how I will I know how to contact my “other”?
~The Office Scribe
P.S. – Can you tell things are really slow at work and I am on about 3 hours of sleep? Is that starting to show in my posts yet?
Sunburns, hang ups, and paper mouths
2 months ago