During a moment of downtime I was reading some of the headlines in Yahoo! News and one caught my attention. It was an article called “5 Signs Your Job Might Be In Jeopardy”. Sure, you could go read the full article (hence the hyperlink) or you could be lazy and let me sum it up for you. (Note: This article does not contain any references to Alex Trebec.)
All five reasons hinged on the ever-growing paranoia that is sweeping through offices across the country, such as your boss downgrading his car or how no one talks to you anymore. Sure, they are all valid points, but perhaps a little too vague for most of the cubicle monkeys in the work force. So to ease the fears of those who find themselves in an incredibly beige workspace, with acoustic ceiling tiles and hypnotic inducing carpet patterns, I have created my own list.
5 Signs You Might Be Losing Your Job
1) The only e-mails you have been getting for the past month are from the nephew of the deposed king of Burkina Faso.
Sure, you used to get important client e-mails all the time. Or your boss would be sending you updates about protocol and how to proceed with new acquisitions. But now Jamal is your only e-friend and he just wants to give you some of his family’s money, if you would just send him a tiny check first. Which reminds me, how do you pronounce Ouagadougou?
2) Someone else is in your parking space
Of course everyone knows that spot 143 is your spot. You’ve only been parking in it for seven years. But then why is the kid from the mail rooms Prius suddenly there?
3) Your keycard has been deactivated
You can chalk this up to a glitch, maybe. But chances are they don’t want you going in the door for a reason. A reason like #4.
4) The contents of your cubicle have been packed up and are waiting for you at the front desk
Something tells me the reason everything is waiting for you isn’t because a kind co-worker thought they would help you move to a bigger office with a view. Why do I think that? Might be the fact that the box is being held by Chuck from security who is there to make sure you don’t do anything crazy on your way out.
5) You didn’t receive a paycheck
In addition to them stealing your red stapler your corporation decided that they would just stop paying you and let the situation work itself out. You know the only solution to a situation like this, don’t you? Hold this lighter while I douse the copier in kerosene.
~ The Office Scribe
Sunburns, hang ups, and paper mouths
2 months ago