Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Lazarus Post

Okay, so comparing myself to someone who rose from the dead (and not in a sparkly vampire or flesh eating zombie kind of way) might be a little over the top - but then again I haven't posted since March so it isn't that far off either.

I'd like to apologize to my followers* (if I have any left) for my lack of posting.  I don't think I have gone this long without posting since I started to blog.  And I hate that.  So tomorrow, make sure you stop by for an all new Manic Monday post and every day after that for a new post.

~ The Office Scribe

* I know I still have one reader - my mom, who told me this weekend "you haven't blogged in a long time.  I am sick of looking at windmills." 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Windmill Fighting

I am not sure what really lead to this conversation, but the preferred form for fighting within my department is now Windmill Fighting.

While it might sound like a lost Kung Fu style, or like something out of a Cervates novel, it's much simpler than that.

Basically, you attack someone with flailing arms, much like a windmill, and hope that you eventually hit the intended target.

Sounds juvenile, but to quote South Park, "Simpson's did it".

* Bart is using the style on the left, while Lisa prefers another method.

So whenever someone is challenged about anything in my department, the other person invokes the following sentence:

Shall we settle this Windmill Style?

So far no one has actually taken anyone up on the challenge (possibly because someone in my department is 6'3" and has a reach much longer than anyone else...)

But one day, arguments will be settled this way.

I guarantee it.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, March 19, 2012

Manic Monday #65

When someone answers the phone by saying "How may I direct your call?", do you really think they are the person to unload your life story on, or should you maybe just tell them who you want to talk to?

You know the day went by way too fast when you can't figure out what you actually did and realize you didn't take a lunch.
Chicago has been in the midst of some seriously awesome weather.  I mean, it's March and I am sporting some flip-flop tan lines already.  Anyway, it got really dark out today looked like a massive storm was going to come crashing down on my office.  The kind that kills the power and make co-workers huddle together in stairwells while cows go flying by the windows.  But the weather gods looked down on us in our cubicles and said, "No.  The nice weather shall continue".  Those bastard weather gods are awesome on the weekends but mean during the week.

Is it too soon to start planning April Fool's Day pranks?  Nope, I didn't think so.

BRACKET UPDATE: Okay, so I am really bad at picking teams in the Midwest, but am actually doing pretty solid in the other 3.  Everyone needs to go light a candle and pray that Indiana doesn't lose to Kentucky, because if they win I feel a lot more comfortable with my overall bracket.

~ The Office Scribe

Thursday, March 15, 2012

NCAA Bracket Virgin

Now I am a girl who likes sports.  Need examples?  Of course you do.

1) I was a 3 season athlete in junior high - Volleyball, Basketball, and Softball.  Oh, except for 8th grade when I was a 3+ season athlete because in addition to Softball I also threw shot put for the track team (The track couch thought because I could throw a softball I could throw an 8lb. metal sphere.  It wasn't really the case...)

2) Like every child who was born from 1980 - 1983, the first dance I learned was the Super Bowl Shuffle.

And possibly the most telling example:

3) I witnessed Jim Thome hit his 500th home run.  While wearing a Jim Thome jersey.  On Jim Thome bobble head day.  And I cried like a baby as the fireworks went off over the ballpark.

But today I did something that I have never done before - I filled out an NCAA bracket.  Why?  Because I can't say no to some of my coworkers, that's why.

As I sat there, starring at the most complicated sports betting chart I have ever seen (horse racing doesn't count - that's an activity, not a sport) I was at a loss.  All around me coworkers were chatting about rankings and games and points and a bunch of other things that made me feel more out of the loop than an Amish kid at a iPad release party.

See, I didn't graduate from a college that was ever in the NCAA tournament.  Actually, my college didn't even have a sports team (unless you count ultimate frisbee... which I don't).  I guess that's what I get for going to an art school.

Which meant I had to come up with my own creative way of choosing which teams would advance throughout March Madness.

My solution - I chose teams based on the people in my life.  Namely, did I know anyone who went to that school?  If the answer was yes, I chose that team.  If no, I didn't.  When it came between two teams where I knew people who had attended both schools, I asked myself, "Who do I like more, as a person, not as a team?"

Scientific?  Nope.  Strategic?  Hardly.  Creative?  Hells yeah.

So here are a few of my picks explained, including who I think will take the whole thing.

Vanderbilt vs. Harvard
Does anyone actually know anyone that went to Harvard.  Well, okay, I kinda knew this guy one time who went there.  And I've been there on vacation.  But I had to go with Vandy because my friends little sister goes there and I have always had a fondness for the state of Tennessee.

Saint Mary's vs. Perdue
I picked Saint Mary's because my friend went there.  Then I found out later that the one in the tournament was in California and I was thinking it was the one in Minnesota.  Oops.

Marquette vs. BYU
I grew up in Chicago, which means I knew about a couple dozen people who headed north of the Cheddar Curtain and went to Marquette.  Plus, since Big Love has been cancelled, I don't think I can count on anything from Utah.

Kansas vs. Detroit
Remember when I mentioned I was quite the athlete in junior high?  Well my softball coach from way back then had a Kansas Jawhawk sticker on the back of her car because her daughter went there.  Ever since there I have always liked Kansas, though I am not sure if the school is in real Kansas or Kansas City...

Gonzaga vs. West Virginia
Okay, I don't know anyone that went to either one of these schools.  But come on, who the hell doesn't pick Gonzaga as a default based on the name alone?

And to take it all, I picked:

I know, kinda of a long shot, but I like the long shots.  Plus a coworker and my cousin both went there, it's relatively close to Chicago, and their team is called the Hoosiers, which according to Wikipedia, no one can really explain the origin of...

So wish me luck in my NCAA endeavours.  I'll keep you updated here and on Twitter as to how I am doing.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, March 12, 2012

Manic Monday #64

Kudos to the high lords of all things time related for messing with both my external and internal clocks with a little thing called Daylight Savings Time.  I almost forgot to head up to the front desk at 6:00 to answer phones because it was still light outside. The entire company may have collapsed like so many dominoes set up by a bored college student bent on trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records.

The jar of M&M's on my coworkers desk is either the greatest thing since sliced bread or the origin of the zombie Apocalypse.

I don't know why I even bother taking the time to make To Do lists.  I never get around to doing the tasks on them anyway.

Peanut Butter Cheerios may be the greatest breakfast invention ever. 

Sometime I sit at my desk and think "What is that smell?" and before I can track it down, the smell is gone.  I know - I'm weird. (I should point out that the smell is often pleasant - get your minds out of the gutter.)

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, February 6, 2012

Manic Monday #63

I got an e-mail today was from someone who stumbled across the word "symbology" and decided to send the paragraph to me, in hope that I was a Boondock Saints fan.  Turns out I am, so the e-mail made me giggle.

Sorry dear lady who called 10 minutes before we closed - Chicago is not 2 hours ahead of New York.

The mere addition of a few slices of cucumber automatically makes a decent sandwich that much more superior.

And for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (shame on your) or aren't friends with me on Facebook (I tend to shun those I don't know in person) yesterday was my birthday.  I celebrated my 30th birthday the only way I know how - by convincing two east coast football teams to compete for the top honor in the NFL.  Oh, and I drank some beer and ate some pizza.

Anywho - today I walk into the office around 11:00 (I start late on Monday's because I am lazy), latte in hand, and see this:

Yes, that is my actual cubicle decked out in balloons, streamers and wrapping paper.  On the far right, behind the chair, are several types of brownies and two homemade pies made by my manager, who has never baked a pie in his life.  Why pie and brownies?  Because I don't like cake or frosting even though I bake like a fiend.

As much as us cubicle monkeys might complain about working in an office, it's days like this that makes it all worthwhile.

~ The Office Scribe
~ The Office Scribe

Friday, January 27, 2012

Panini Press Lunch

It's been said by some of my coworkers that I am a Jack of all Trades.

I can bake, do crafts, answer inane trivia questions, cut meat, fix the printer, etc, etc, etc

Today I added to my list of skills by teaching my coworkers how to cook pizza in a panini press.

Step One: Purchase a cheap, thin crust pizza. (Rising crust or overly topped ones won't work)

Step Two: Ignore the directions and thaw before cooking.

Step Three: Fold pizza in half.

Step Four: Insert into panini press and grill until golden brown.

Step Five: Enjoy

The thing pretty much comes out like a calzone but it much more impressive.

Ahh the things you do in the office on Fridays.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, January 23, 2012

Manic Monday #62

My life would be so much easier if I had a butler.  Preferably someone like Alfred from the Batman movies.  I'd prefer Michael Caine but I'd pretty much settle for any man over the age of 64 with a British accent.

Two days ago we had a blizzard.  Last night we had a thunderstorm.  It's official - I no longer know how to dress for work in the morning.

While answering phones at the front desk I forgot my name.  Try explaining that pause to the client without sounding like a complete idiot.

I decided I need to wear a pedometer around the office because I bet I walk well over 5 miles each day and the only way to prove it is to clock it.  And yes, that means I don't spend nearly as much time as I should at my desk.  

The number one phrase I utter at work is "Yes, you with your hand raised" and no, I am not a school teacher.

My red pen died today.  I think it is a conspiracy by those who wish to stop me from editing their work with my charming yet snarky comments.

~ The Office Scribe

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Hello 2012!

Ahh, nothing like the first blog post of the year.

At least you can all be thankful that I didn't do one of those god-awful year in review posts.

Nor am I going to list a bunch of goals and resolutions that I will never get around to achieving.

Basically this post is to remind all of you that this is the year to check as many items off your bucket list as humanly possible.

You can thank the Mayans for this line of thinking*.

But that doesn't mean you can shirk your responsibilities - which means you all have to go back to work tomorrow, or in my case, Tuesday.

~ The Office Scribe

* I think you can also thank them for chocolate.  So yay Mayans!