Monday, December 20, 2010

Manic Monday #45

I realized today that all my friends who are teachers are on Winter Break.  And I hate each and every one of them. I don't care what anyone says - teachers have it easy. (Bring on the arguments people!)

Last Friday was my holiday party at work so today was the debriefing.  And I have to say, everyone was really mature about describing the after party. Even though, for those of us who were there, we knew that at times, it was anything BUT mature.  (And I learned it's easier to prove sobriety if you can walk a line with your hands in your pockets!)

I wonder how many people in the Midwest are sitting at home, watching the snow fall outside, praying that there is so much that they don't have to go to work tomorrow.  I wish I could be one of those people, but sadly, I own a Jeep Liberty so I have no excuse.

Speaking of driving, on my snowy drive home today I saw a guy try to play Spin the Bottle with his car. Silly little Toyota. 

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (shame on you!) let me bring you up to speed on the battle raging in my apartment.  On Saturday, I noticed some evidence that I might have a mouse.  So I did what any card carrying member of PETA* would do and I bought me some traps.  Within an hour I had snapped one of those little suckers.  When I woke up this morning, there was another one.  Both are now residing on my frozen patio, turning into what I called "micicles" or, what my coworker called "stalagmice".  (I work with some damn clever people!)

Where is my red pen?  How can I make corrections to papers if I don't have my red pen?  Because I don't think my normal choice of purple ink really inspires the fear that it should.

~ The Office Scribe

* PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals.  Come on people, I was a butcher!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Christmas Wish

According to every single holiday show on Lifetime, We, and the Hallmark Channel, Christmas is the time of year to make grand wishes.

Some people wish for peace.

Some people wish for love.

Me?  My wish is much more grand and profound.

I wish to one day live in a world where plastic dry cleaning bags no need to bear a label that warns people that it is not a child's toy and that it shouldn't be placed over the head.

Charles Darwin, I am looking towards your ghost to make my wish come true.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, December 13, 2010

Manic Monday - The Sub-Zero Edition

Please note - If you are reading this post because you think it will my thoughts on a certain Mortal Kombat character*, you are sadly mistaken.

Just because I wasn't at work today didn't mean I wasn't working.  Unless you consider putting tinsel on an 11 foot Christmas tree with a 120 lb Rottweiler who thinks the thin, silver plastic strands are a treat isn't work.

You ever put in for a vacation day towards the end of the year (because your company has it 'use it or lose it" policy) and wonder if you picked the correct random day?  Well, I guess I picked the right day, since I was 80 miles from home at my moms place when the Midwest decided to re-enact the movie The Day After Tomorrow.  50 mph winds, blowing snow, freezing temperatures - the whole 9 yards.  And since I didn't think Dennis Quaid would be coming to rescue me from the frozen tundra and deliver me to work this morning, kudos to me for taking today off!

How much do you think it would cost to invent a giant hairdryer that can be strapped to the back of snow plows so they could melt the snow off the streets?  And follow up, do you think the car wash people would fight this invention since it would mean no more salt, which would me no more car washes?

Taking a break from a craft project.  That project?  Making a pinata of my company logo for our fiesta themed holiday party  Yes, I am that cool of an employee.

My purchases from Cyber Monday finally showed up.  5 brand new pairs of pants specifically purchased to enhance my work wardrobe.  Because, as it turns out, most companies don't like it when you show up without pants on.  I can only assume Chippendales is one of the few exceptions to this rule.

~ The Office Scribe

* BTW - The entire time I was typing this entry I had the MK theme song stuck in my head.  Damn that song is catchy.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Red Light of Death

I think my phone at work is messing with me.

Each time I would leave my desk, I would come back to what I refer to as the red light of death.  Anyone who works in an office knows what I am talking about.  That little LED light in the bottom corner of your phone which alerts you to the fact that there is a message waiting.

I maybe have two messages on my phone a day, and one of those is always from my mom.

Today I took 14 messages off my phone, and only one was from my mom.

The thing is, my phone barely rang while I was sitting at my desk.  I even checked the ringer volume at one point, just to make sure it was actually working.

That damn red light is a thudding heart beneath the floorboards.

~ The Office Scribe

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Bad Economy My Ass

Today I wasn't at work.  No, I didn't get canned right before Christmas (how horrible would that be?) nor did I pull a "Half Baked" (Don't worry, you're all cool) and storm out.

I had the day off.

Each holiday season I like to take a random day off in December to go shopping.  You have to admit, it is a pretty logical thing to do.  I mean, why deal with the crowds in malls on the weekends when you can have the stores to yourself and park in a place that isn't  what my friends and I called in high school "rape-o land".

Turns out, that wasn't the case today as every single place I went was packed.  At 1:15 in the afternoon.  On a Tuesday.

Okay, so maybe your mind went to the first place mine did.  "There are a lot of people out of work, so I guess they have the time to go out shopping when the rest of the world is trapped in a cubicle."

Um, but if they are out of work, how do they have the money to go shopping?

So my mind went to "Perhaps they are just picking up one or two presents and keeping it simple."

Um, but if they were keeping it simple, why were people walking out of Best Buy with carts of electronics, bags emblazoned with designers like Coach and Burberry at the mall, and trunks full of brightly colored toys from that damn giraffe?

Because the bad economy is a myth.  

I am sure there are people out there having to tighten their belts (hell, I am one of them) because the future seems uncertain, but come on.  There is no way things can be bad when I can't find a parking spot in front of Crate & Barrel.  (No one NEEDS anything from a Crate & Barrel.  A person can find a version of everything they sell for much less money at say, Target.)

So sorry news media, government stooges, and those who cry poor, I ain't buying it anymore.  Or at least I am a nonbeliever until I see some free parking spots.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, December 6, 2010

Manic Monday #44

I have two coworkers who are traveling abroad for business right now.  I am 97% sure they are actually on a Black Ops mission for the CIA.  Of course, this could be because I am watching the entire series of "Alias" on DVD.  But no, I am pretty sure they are saving the world from total destruction.

The only thing bad about having a random day off in the middle of the week is all the prep work that has to occur so that the amount of work when you return isn't so overwhelming that you want to jump out of the window onto the cold concrete below.  Hence the reason I was at work late today, scaring the cleaning people.

Yes, those are Scrumdiddlyumptious Bars in my candy dish. And if you give them to Slugworth, I will smack you.

My office would be better with some monkeys in it.

It makes me smile when the office building decorates for Christmas.  So future husband, take note -  if you want a grin out of me, all it takes is some faux garland and twinkle lights.

The beet de-icing stuff is back on the parking deck, and I hate it as much as I did last year.

~ The Office Scribe

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Weird Day...

Ever have one of those days that doesn't seem real?

That would be today.

Need an example?  I'll do you one better.  I'll give you a quote.

"If it has a pulse, you can sacrifice it."

Enough said.

~ The Office Scribe