Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Having A Senior Moment...

I had all these great things to post yesterday, some said by coworkers, others just random observations.  I wrote them all down on a piece of paper to post last night.  But then I lost the piece of paper and can't remember anything.

Getting old isn't fun.

~ The Office Scribe

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

“Apathy is a sort of living oblivion.” - Horace Greeley

"Apathy is what people develop when they only have one more day of work left." - The Office Scribe

So I have Thursday and Friday off of work because twice a year I become what my friends mockingly refer to as a "gypsy" and sell my ware at a huge garage sale.  I put up with the mocking because aside from getting rid of crap I no longer need and or want, I make some pretty decent money.

But because I have a short week at the old office, I have noticed that i just don't care what people are going to do while I am not there.

Example A:

Coworker - I need to work later on Thursday because I have someplace to go Wednesday night.

Me - I don't care.

Example 2:

Coworker - Did you see that (((fill in the blank))) is doing a presentation on Friday?

Me - I don't care.

Example III:

Coworker - Rumor has it a giant asteroid is going to plow into the western suburbs towards the end of the week and destroy all our cubicles.

Me - I don't care. (Meanwhile I start boxing my knick knacks just in case...)

I feel like Bradley Cooper in "The Hangover" where he is leaving school and the kid goes to ask him a question and he replies "You don't exist to me".

Can you tell I need a break?

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, May 16, 2011

Manic Monday #52

So I did something yesterday which aggravated an old injury and had to spend a good portion of the day standing instead of sitting at my desk.  What could I have possibly injured 6 years ago that made it impossible to sit for longer than 20 minutes at a time today?  As one of my Twitter followers pointed out - the funniest name for a part of the human body, my coccyx aka my tailbone.  Those small pieces of bone that indicate that humans at one point had tails, but Charles Darwin then decided we didn't need them anymore.  Slipped and broke it at my last job. And no, I didn't file a workman's comp claim.  Sometimes you just need to suck it up and deal with the pain in your ass.

Note to coworkers - when someone sends out an invite for an "S Factor" class you don't need to inform them that you aren't really good at singing.

I spent the weekend downtown with family and had some of the best elevator conversations in my life.  From the woman who told us we looked like we were going to have fun to the old man who winked and said he had my number, it was amazing.  And it continued at my office when I walked into the elevator right as someone from an upper floor was taking a bite of a cookie.  He apologized and said I caught him.  I replied "I am sure there are worse things I can catch people doing in an elevator."  His reply "rock on Aerosmith".  Wow.

It's when you are in pain at work when you realize how many people are packing some form of painkillers in their desk drawers.  

I am 90% sure that if I didn't remember to water my coworkers plant it would die.  I guess it's my own damn fault for giving a male coworker a plant in the first place.

Never ask if I have a certain office product - you can always just assume I do.

How is it possible that the pollen count inside my office is higher than the air outside my office?

~ The Office Scribe

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Pre Work Haiku

Can not find the clothes
Thinking of going naked
HR would not like

Monday, May 9, 2011

Manic Monday #51

There is nothing like the look on an IT person's face when you breathlessly dash into their cubicle babbling about the virus warning that popped up on your screen.  It's a true Kodak moment.

I don't think I had a single cup of coffee at work today.  It's official - the universe is off its axis.  Quick - everyone in New Zealand jump up and down to knock it back on course.  Or I guess I could just stop at Starbucks tomorrow morning.  (FYI - Dear Mac - It's about time you start recognizing "Starbucks" as a properly spelled word and quit underlining it in red.)

In an ode to Michael Jackson today I went to work sporting white gym socks with my black Mary Janes.  Okay, so it was more like I forgot to pack black socks when I left for my moms house on Friday and was just too lazy to ask my mom for a pair this morning.

If I don't do some serious laundry soon "business casual" is going to mean "olive green yoga pants and a ski sweater with reindeer". 

Kudos to the marketing people at Sunsweet - you packaged these "dried plums" in such a way that I didn't realize I had just bought individually wrapped prunes until I got home.

Just in case you were curious, that odd green glow coming from my desk whenever I shut off my light is not, in fact, a toxic waste spill.  It's just my glow-in-the-dark Bat Pez Dispenser filled with grape PEZ (Really, is there any other flavor?)

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, May 2, 2011

Manic Monday #50

Wow, this is the 50th (numbered) Manic Monday I have done.  And yes, I know I would have reached this milestone a lot faster had I posted on a more regular basis.  So sue me... I have a life.  And OnDemand cable. (That Ricky Gervais show is addictive!)

Sometimes I am too lazy to reply to people's e-mails so I'll just walk over to their desks to answer their questions.  And it always makes me giggle to see them freak out.  Like inside the sanctity of their cubicle, they completely forget about the hundred plus other people milling about the office.

A cell phone went off at work today and the ring tone sounded like bells.  One coworker remarked that an angel must have gotten its wings while I just had the song "I Hear The Bells" stuck in my head for the following hour.

Speaking of music - I was at the gym health club small room with workout equipment in my office and realized that I did better on the elliptical while listening to that Britney Spears/Ke$ha/Nicky Manij song "Until the World Ends".  If you want an addictive guilty pleasure song, download it.  If you feel like people judge you by what's on your iPod, then don't.

Using your thumb nail is a highly effective way to unpeel an orange. Unfortunately, it turns your nail orange and now I look like I have the Jersey Shore disease just on the thumb of my right hand.  Or gads, maybe it is an outbreak of OompahLooompitis (the scary Gene Wilder one - not the Johnny Depp version.)

Big props to the Splinter Cell division of the Navy SEALS for finally getting Osama Bin Laden. I found out about it the same way 87% of the rest of people between the ages of 15 and 35 did - on my Facebook wall.  Oh, and how about giving the working man a day off?  Our office in England shut down for the Royal Wedding?  You're telling me they can get time off to see powerless figureheads get hitched and we don't get some down time because we killed public enemy numero uno?

I love that the programmers at Microsoft created a feature on my Outlook calendar that is akin to a snooze button.  

People shouldn't fear zombies, aliens or robots.  The real fear should come from Canada geese.  Those little buggers are everywhere, including the parking lot of my building, the retention pond of my building, and oh, the roof of my building.  Last year I even saw one perched on top of a light post. Ye be warned.

It's been over a week since I dyed my hair and yes, while it is a tad darker than usual (think Elvira) I think it's funny that people still stop me in the halls and ask if I did something to it.  I'm getting bored telling people the box of Feria lied to me.  I'm telling the next person who asks that I spent the weekend cleaning up an oil spill with my head.  I am hella environmental like that.

~ The Office Scribe

~ Manic Monday