I Swear I’m Not Crying

This morning was a bit hectic in my apartment. I was absolutely paranoid that I was going to forget the birthday cake I was commissioned to bake for someone in HR. I must have left myself about 6 notes last night (bathroom mirror, fridge, front door, purse, car keys, and desk) to remind me about it.

The notes did their job and I sauntered into work this morning will a killer car themed birthday cake that the woman loved AND paid me for!!! But I forgot to leave myself notes to remind myself to pack a bag of clothes since I am heading to my moms this weekend straight after work.

So I decided to take an extended lunch and go home and get some clothes. Feeling lazy, since it is Friday and all, I took the elevator from my office on the third floor down to the parking lot. The elevator doors open, I stepped in and immediately felt like I was going to pass out. Whomever had been in the elevator before me had thought it would be a good idea to douse themselves in some sort of strong cologne.

My head swam and my eyes began to water. That three floor ride felt longer than the trip to the top of the Sears Tower. When the doors finally opened again I stumbled forward gasping for the sweet, fresh air that is in the lobby. The entire ride to my place I kept wondering what make a guy think that smelling like that is a good idea? Now I like cologne on guys in general, if used in moderation. But when it makes me have a physical reaction similar to that of rotten trash or a corpse, then it is not good.

I blame those Axe ads where guys (a) shower with a strong smelling Axe product (b) slap on some Axe deodorant and then (c) mist themselves down with Axe body spray like they are deicing the wings of a 747. And then through the miracle of advertising these guys (who generally look like they haven’t seen the sun or a meal not from Taco Hell in a week) get all kinds of Pilates Hotties to drool all over them.

In the real world, these chicks would be fighting their gag reflexes in order to not heave all over the laundry mat, coffee shop, or wherever else these ads take place.

So remember guys, a little bit of that Drakar Noir goes a looonnnggg way.

~ The Office Scribe