Tuesday, February 10, 2009

We Do Not Negotiate

Someone stole the packing tape dispenser from my department. It was brought to my attention by a co-worker who went to go tape up a box and saw it wasn’t at its usual place on the file cabinet in front of my desk. Assuming it was just at someone’s desk we performed a cursory investigation found that it was, in fact, missing. I don’t have a problem with people borrowing stuff, but I do have a problem with people not returning said items.

Our first suspects were the people in the department next to ours. They have been known to use our tape gun and seeing as how I don’t trust them, they seemed like they might be the culprits. So I sent one of my co-workers over to snoop around their desks but to no avail.

The next step was to send out an e-mail to everyone who uses tape guns on a regular basis and see if they forgot to return it. The only response was as follows:

I have your tape gun. I require the following things as ransom:

-1 koala
-1 case of Lucky Charms
-year supply of Magner’s
-1 helicopter (for getaway)
-Seasons tickets to the Bears
-cupcakes
-Hugh Jackman

Please leave in giant brown box labeled “For Kidnapper” outside of the side door at 3:28 p.m. today.

Sincerely,
Anonymous (Note: Her name was at the top of the e-mail so all anonymity went out the window)

P.S. I don’t really have your tape gun.

The last action I took was making a missing sign. I really wanted to do one on a milk carton but didn’t feel like fielding questions from the people around me like “Where did you get a milk carton” or “I thought you were lactose intolerant”. So I printed out a picture of a tap gun similar to the missing one and posted it on the wall above the file cabinet. And while I am sure one of my co-workers will take a picture of it and submit it to Passive Aggressive Notes I don’t know what else can be done (aside from sending a company-wide e-mail which I declined to do because I would become known as the “crazy who thinks someone on the other side of the building stole the tape gun”)

It’s been nearly six hours and the tape gun is still missing. The prize for retuning it? I won’t beat you with it.

~The Office Scribe

6 comments:

Wes said...

OMG, I just Died Laughing, I would Kill for some Cupcakes right now
maybe i stole the Tape :O

good luck with the Search for the Thief

p.s. i think that when it is returned, you should still beat them with it :P

Holly said...

Post the Missing sign above the coffee pot and on the water cooler.

Just for an inside joke, pattern it after the Pervert Poster from The Office?

You could also try an Old West template.

If you offer a reward, you are inviting people to steal other items just to get rewarded.

Please keep us updated.

butterfly said...

Sometimes I wish I worked in an office just so I could write about stuff like this! Not that working with kids is boring (it certainly is far from that!), but it would be nice to work with adults and see how much they act like kids sometimes. lol! Let us know if you ever find the tape gun.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Have you checked in the jello mold in the fridge?

The Office Scribe said...

Aww, if it's in a jello mold in the fridge does that mean I am Dwight? Because I have always facnied myself a bit more of a Jim with dash of Creed and Stanley but with breasts.

Ora - Looking for Offramp said...

LOL, I want to work at your office!