Yesterday was some truly horrible weather in northern Illinois. Not only was it bitterly cold but the wind was blowing so fiercely that there were drifts topping out at 7 feet high. Entire cars we being buried beneath them on roadways. We had a neighbor call and tell us it took them two hours to go about a mile and a half. All in all a great start to “official winter”.
This morning however was clear and bright. Still unbelievably cold, but that’s why god invented car heaters and Old Navy Fleece. The roads only had a few trace amounts of snow on them and since it’s the holidays and all (what, you didn’t get my card?) the traffic was pretty light. Which is good because when I leave from my mom’s place the commute is an hour and a half as opposed to my usual 15 minutes.
All was going smoothly until I hit a massive pocket of traffic on I-90. Now my creative mine started to fear the worst, especially since someone told me they had seen a car completely flipped over on their way home last night. After 10 minutes of crawling at a snails pace I was finally able to see what the hold up was…
A small red card had gone into the center grassy section (which was filled with snow). The guy was out of the car, which sustained no damage, a cop was on the scene and a tow truck was already hooking the car up to haul it out of the drift.
NONE OF THE ELEMENTS IN THIS SCENE MAKES IT A GOOD REASON TO CREATE A GOD DAMNED GAPERS BLOCK!!!
I understand human curiosity. Hell, I am definitely the type of person who will stand on their toes to listen over the cubicle walls of my office to get the latest dirt on a person. But come on, making traffic come to a grinding halt because a car swerved a little too much.
Nuh uh. No more. These are the only acceptable reasons to slow down and look at something:
- There is blood. It’s easy to spot so don’t think that milkshake on the side of the road someone tossed out in anger is a smashed raccoon or accident victim. Only red means stop.
- There was a collision of two rescue vehicle a la “Backdraft”
- The Jaws of Life are being used.
- You can no longer tell what make or model the car in an accident was.
- It was the result of a high speed chase.
- A celebrity was involved. (If it is someone from the cast of “Baywatch” I give you permission to exit your vehicle and take pictures)
- You, yourself, were personally involved in the accident.
- That hitchhiker on the side of the road simply vanished…
- The truck that overturned was full of Omaha Steak gift boxes and you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping yet
- There is no one else behind you
So during the season that causes so many accidents, think a bit before you hit the brake. Because the person behind you might be me and if you prevent me from getting to where I need to be on time we might have another thing for people to slow down and look at*.
~The Office Scribe
*That is, if people want to take time out of the busy schedule to see me chasing you down the highway, attempting to hit you with an empty cardboard wrapping paper tube, because that is the only weapon I have in my car right now.
"If it's not your butt, don't touch it"
1 month ago