Under The Desk With The Office Scribe – An Interview With Travis From “I Like To Fish”

It can be said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  It can also be said that imitation is what occurs when an individual runs out of original ideas and needs some assistance.  That being said, I have decided to start occasionally interviewing fellow bloggers for 3 reasons:

1)   I want to know more about the people behind the words that keep me laughing.

2)   It is a great way to promote funny blogs

3)   I will do anything short of murder and prostitution to promote my own blog. 

My first victim is Travis from I Like To Fish.  I’d like to say that I chose Travis because I thought he was the most interesting person I read so why not start at the top.  Truth is, he was the first person to reply to my desperate plea via Twitter for an interview subject.

So here are my questions and the answers as provided by Travis. (And I did not edit these at all.  I am a creative writer but I don't like it when reporters modify answers.  If you don't like the answers why did you ask the questions?)

I recently found out that we have the same ring tone for our cell phones.  What else do you think we have in common?

Probably our bra sizes. I mean, I have pretty big boobs. I don’t know about you, though. Either way, that’s what I’m going with. Bra sizes or our love for Chicago style deep dish pizza. 

What dead actor would play you in a 5 minute YouTube video about your life?

Chris Farley without a doubt. And I’m not just saying that because he’s fat. He was funny as hell, and he was…well, he was fat. Yeah.

What the biggest one that ever got away?

Are we talking a fish or a woman? If it’s a fish, then it’d be about a 35 pound spoonbill that I tried to reel in on 10 pound test line. I got it to the bank, it flicked its tail, I lost a valuable lure. If it’s a woman, I’ll tell you this. They aren’t too big to get away from ol’ Travy. I mean, back in the day. Now, I’m married, and for sure, I’m not giving The Missus this link. 

Sometimes when I read your blog I want to ask your wife “why?”.  So, could you do me a favor and ask her “why?”?

This is the conversation via text that took place after I read this question.

Me: Do you have time to talk?

The Missus: A little. Why?

Me: Well, I’m doing an interview for a blog, and the following question was asked.

TM: Why I married you?

Me: Hell, I don’t know. Just why.

TM: Well, I was 16 and everyone told me to stay away from that Travis kid, so I listened…for a while. Then it got to a point I could no longer ignore him because he wouldn’t go away. I quickly learned that under all of the stupid things, he was a really great guy with a big heart, no, not enlarged. It took a while, but there is a whole lot more to him than just the silly stuff you guys hear about.

This is why I love my wife, and that’s real.

I want to quote Andy Bernard here. “Any success I have had, either in life or with the ladies, has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.”

Have you ever fallen pray to an infomercial?  And if so, what did you purchase?

SIGH. It was a golf club. Shit was supposed to correct my swing. That was about 10 years ago, and I still shoot a 95. It didn’t work at all. So guess what? I never paid for it. I think I actually paid half, and then ignored the letters and the calls. Surely the statute of limitations has passed by now…

What is your favorite bodily function?

Erections. Without a doubt. Need I say more? 

You live in a small town.  I don’t.  What is the best/worst thing about living in a small town?

The best thing is that you can get to a convenience store in less than a minute from anywhere in town. This comes in handy on beer runs and midnight snack getting. I guess this could explain my weight problem. The worst thing is that everyone knows you. A lot of people would think this is cool, but it’s not. I am known in my hometown as “That guy who blogs.” However, if you asked most of them to tell you what blogging was, they couldn’t do it. It’s ridiculous. People are afraid to talk to me, because, “I might wind up on that internet thing.” Idiots. 

Do you quasi sexually harass everyone you follow on Twitter?

Yes I do. Most of the time I don’t mean to, but my poor brain is so sexually charged all the time, some of it is bound to spill over onto my hot Twitter bitches. Wait. I just did it again, didn’t I. Dammit. 

You recently wrote a post about Lady Gaga possibly being a dude.  You did some thorough research to come to the conclusion you did.  Would you be willing to do this same amount of work to answer the same question about Jamie Lee Curtiss?

I would absolutely take another one for the team on Jamie. I might have to get into this personally with her though, because Kid Funk told me she is actually a hermie. I didn’t see a shell on her though, and she seems kind of big for a hermie. I mean, aren’t they normally on sand somewhere in a “smoking accessory” shop with peace signs painted on their shells? Wait. That’s a hermit crab. Sorry about that. Anyway, you send me pictures of her bidness, I’ll tell you what I find. Oh, and send lotion with the pictures. 

IT’S FOR MY ELBOWS!

What was the last thing you shot?

It was a blackbird. We went rabbit hunting a few weeks ago, and didn’t see any rabbits. Well, when you get 4 grown men out in a field with guns expecting to shoot something, and nothing presents itself, something has to die. This bird was in the wrong place at the wrong time. My buddies also shot a field mouse with a 12 gauge. And I may have taken a pot shot at a red-tailed hawk. 

Have you ever worked in a cubicle?

I did for 20 minutes one time. I can’t admit anything because of ongoing charges being pressed, but we’ll say this, I didn’t go well. I hate cubicles. I’m like that weird guy on Office Space. I just start acting crazy and burn shit down. Wait. Damn. I’ve said too much already.

As a thank you to Travis, he gets to be the first person on the planet to have this, the coveted (?) Under The Desk With The Office Scribe badge!

Thanks!


~ The Office Scribe


* Want to be interviewed in the future?  Drop me a line and we'll chat.