Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Guess Roaches Don’t Hold MBA’s

The topic of my mother’s daily phone call to me was about the discussion she had with the guy who lives next door about her ant problem. See, for the past couple weeks ants of varying sizes has been crawling through the first floor of her house. From what we can tell, they are coming up through the electrical outlets because that is where we see a lot of dead ones. Our neighbor told her the ants were because the house is relatively new and she might have them, cringe, living in the walls.


He said that after his house was built they called out the Orkin man who sprayed the entire house. He said that it was like a biblical plague when the ants all came POURING out of the walls. Apparently there were so many you could hear them.

This lovely discussion, which I am sure will make it impossible for me to ever get a decent nights sleep at my mom’s place ever again, got me to thinking.

Why are there no bugs in my office?

In the 8 months we have been in this building I have never seen a bug. Not an ant, fly, mosquito, or anything. Not even a cobweb and I don’t think it is because of the fabulous cleaning crew we have. (Remember the Cheeto?) I thought this was amazing, that this place was so sealed from the outside would that no bugs could get in.

But then, as usual, I couldn’t live in that happy little place that I had to seek out the dark side that constitutes about 97% of my brain.

Why don’t we have bugs in the office? There are always massive amounts of sugary foods that would have flies on it in an instant of I left it out at my house. But here chunks of birthday cake and sit until they petrify. Rotten food hangs out in garbage cans and sugar spilled on the countertops are never fleck with ants.

So I came to the conclusion that the air which I breathe for a good 8-9 hours each day has to be so stale that it can’t support the same type of life that would survive a nuclear blast. That perhaps they use chemicals so toxic to kill insects that if one of my co-workers gave birth to an Ewok it wouldn’t be that surprising. That my office isn’t as attractive to start a blowfly colony in, as say, a corpse? (Sorry, I have been watching a lot of Bones lately.)

And they wonder why people in office’s keel over the moment they retire. Our bodies can’t take all that fresh air.

~ The Office Scribe


Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

It's either the air or the toxic carpet glue. Sorry for you pain.

Bee said...

I am now scratching like a mad woman!

I work in a medical building so I guess it’s scary to admit we have spiders, centipedes, gnats etc. There was a centipede (whom I named Caesar) running around in the light fixture above my head.

I came to work the next day to find him fried from the heat. Don’t be sad for him though because I’ve seen many of his offspring around the office… ::shiver!::

Lidian said...

You have just reminded me to go out to the end of our front walk and douse the edge with dishwashing liquid, in order to vanquish the ants who build huge underground condos there every year. Despite the yearly Sunlight Soaping. Though each year it works really well, you do have to rinse and repeat.

I couldn't help reading this although I find bugs very disturbing and am known for my hysterical vigilence...

And I love your blog title, it reminds me of George Costanza with the custom-built bed under his desk.

Funnyrunner said...

Oh LORD if I had to talk to my mother every day I'd have to start happy hour much, MUCH earlier...