Thursday, March 5, 2009

To Whom It May Concern: Hire This Goddess

One of my co-workers, LaG, who is moving to Atlanta next week asked if I would be willing to write her a letter of recommendation since I have the authoritative title of Team Lead which provides me with such powers as writing the schedules and, well, I think that might be the only power I have. Since she is a fabulous co-worker who will be missed I of course agreed. She even forwarded me one of the other letters someone had written for her so I could see it.

Unfortunately the other letter was one of the most beautifully crafted pieces of prose I have ever seen and I knew I would never be able to top it. That is, unless I lied. So while I brainstorm a way to convey to potential employers what a great asset LaG is I decided to come up with a version of the recommendation letter that no one could pass up. And while I took some creative license with it, I think it does her justice.

To Whom It May Concern:

My first encounter with LaG was when she saved my life. It was a dark and story night, rain pouring from the heavens not in mere drops but in buckets. As I was crossing the bridge over the Kankakee River I lost control of my car, smashed through the guard rail, and plunged into the icy waters below. Fearing that I was about make my exit from this mortal coil I began to pray, something I hadn’t done since child hood. At the exact moment I was sure all hope was lost, I saw a figure making its way towards my car which was quickly filling with water. With the strength of all the Justice League members combinen LaG smashed through my windshield, ripped me from my seatbelt, and pulled me to safety.

Sputtering from the shock of what had just happened I knew the only way I could repay her was by making sure she would work by my side for the next seven months. It was during this time, the best of my life, that I learned so much more about my savior and the woman I one day hoped would be canonized as a saint.

During our tenure together I learned that LaG has the gifts of a photographic memory and mental telepathy. She knew what our clients were going to ask for before they knew it themselves. No one was ever disappointed with anything that she had ever done for them which made her a darling of the Client Relations department.

And talk about flexible. If you looked up this word in the dictionary you would see a picture of LaG. Never have I heard her turn down a favor requested by a co-worker. For example, someone we worked with once lost their home in a terrible fire. Because we don’t make millions at our job this unfortunate soul was left on the streets; that is, until LaG offered up her own home for as long as the family needed to get back on their feet.

The day that she announced she would be moving has been marked in the annals of my company as a day of mourning. From now on we shall hang black bunting and remember the exemplary employee that she was. The other 364 days a year will be spent in celebration that we were lucky to have her in out lives. I was honored that she allowed me to write this tale of the affect she has had on me as an employee and more importantly, as a human being.

She will be a blessing to any employer who is lucky enough to hire her.

~The Office Scribe

If recommendation letters really sounded like this I think the country would have a 0% unemployment rate.

~ The Office Scribe


Megan said...

Ha! Brilliant. She's a shoe-in for sure.

Schmendel said...

Maybe throw in there how copiers never jam when she is in the room?

David said...

That was beautiful... May I be as bold as to ask you to write a recommendation letter for me too? In the meantime I'll decide whether I'm applying for the NASA, FBI or National Geographic. Or all three of them.