Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My Precious

When I started working at my current job the one thing I was truly excited about were the office supplies.  I have said on this blog numerous times that I am an Office Supply addict.  So when I got the chance to stock my cubicle with items I would be using on a daily basis I knew I had to do it right.  Sure, I could have grabbed a handful of supplies from the mailroom like my fellow coworkers.

But that wouldn't have satiated my thirst for the awesome.

So I went out my first week and bought a cool pen holder that spins, some sorters for all the important files on and, the centerpiece of my office dwelling, a bright blue upright stapler.

I knew as soon as I saw it in the aisles of Office Depot that it had to be mine.  I imagined how jealous my new coworkers would be when I stapled hundreds of pages a day with the greatest of ease with my ergonomically correct stapler.

So I purchased it and proudly displayed it.

As it turns out, this is a super stapler - one with the power to not only propel staples through a few sheets of paper, but crack the staples in half, leaving sharp, pointed pieces of metal, perfect for catching fingers on.  I have shed a lot of blood because of this stapler - much more than I ever did in my 9 years as a butcher.

But I am stubborn.  Much like Golem and the ring, I refused to part with my stapler (even though I am sure it's lack of ability to function properly was slowly driving me mad).  I clutched at it, whispering sweetly to it, pleading with it to work.

Today though, I decided I have had enough.  No more digging out stuck staples with a t-pin.  No more smacking it against my thigh to realign the spring.  No more breaking into hysterical sobs because I've witnessed my coworker use their stapler with no issues.

This is the last week I will be in possession of my precious blue stapler.  When I get back from vacation I am throwing it away, for donating it would only be a cruel trick on the next poor soul who came to own it.  And then I am going to march over to Office Depot and buy myself a new stapler because the $10 I will spend on will is cheaper than the therapy bill if I don't.

~ The Office Scribe


HAROLD said...

Take it back and demand a full refund! If they give you a hard time, politely inform them that you are a Blogger with over 100 (thousand) followers and if they don't make this right, Office is Depot is Toast! Carpe Diem!

The Office Scribe said...

Harold, I like how you think. Will you also come bail me out of jail when I am arrested for throwing rubber band balls at the employees of said Office Depot?

HAROLD said...

Bail??? Bail is for sissies!

How about I roar up on my Harley, throw a chain around the jailhouse bars, pull down the wall and together we ride off into the sunset?

Or, maybe not...

Shieldmaiden96 said...

But I thought the Swingline didn't bind up as much?
Maybe you should have gotten the red one.

The Office Scribe said...

Wow, I don't think I have ever had a guy offer to bust me out of the clink via hog before.

File baked into a cake, yes, but never via motorcycle.

And yeah, I thought about getting the red one, but that I thought that might be to cliche...

Brooke Amanda said...

I have a tiny orgasm every time I'm in Office Depot:)