100 RANDOM THOUGHTS I HAD TODAY
100. Sometimes I think I should feel bad that I combine the two half pots of coffee into one, so I can make a fresh pot for myself. But then, I think, "Fresh coffee!" and I don't feel bad anymore.
99. My friend and I were discussing scissors this weekend and she told me she doesn't have them at her desk. As I stared at my scissors today, I knew that when the zombie Apocalypse comes, I will be okay.
96. Office chair roundhouse kicks are the best defensive maneuver if you are in a fight with a coworker.
94. I guess when Columbus discovered America it didn't include the private sector.
93. Lesson #436 - If you are nice to the guys at the cafe on the first floor they will sometimes give you free salad dressing.
91. The only actual breakfast item in the vending machine are strawberry Pop Tarts. And while they will work in a pinch, I would prefer it if they would stock something better. Like Panera Bagels.
89. Why do some people spell Carole with an "e"?
87. I was told I was strange today and I took it as a compliment.
85. Candy dishes should always be located in a place where they can be monitored.
80. The Yahoo! OMG! section is the perfect amount of entertainment gossip to read while at lunch.
79. I don't speak French, nor do I type in French, so why does Word keep wanting to install the French spellcheck on my computer?
78. Just remember - my elephant can beat your moose.
75. How many orange construction barrels does IDOT own?
73. I told a supervisor that one of her employees was a big help. See, if you treat me well I will treat you well. The same goes if you treat me like crap. You've been warned.
69. I think there might be gnomes who mess with the ringer volume level on my phone because when I got my first call this morning I bet they could hear it ringing in Indiana.
68. Glad I wasn't the only one who noticed the random dead bird on the parking deck. Seriously, where did it come from?
67. I saw that they are making "Zoolander 2" and I thought, "why?"
64. Coworker and I came to the conclusion today that beer probably wouldn't cure a head cold. That's why the Russians invented vodka.
63. Harp music creeps me out, but I love it.
62. I was tempted to start a bidding war for my services today but I figured that would be frowned upon by my team. Especially if another department came in with the winning bid.
57. I know I leave for vacation in a week, but I was really jealous when I saw someone come back today with a tan.
56. Why would anyone live in a place with Amity is its name? Did these people not watch horror movies from the 70's?
54. Purple ink it my thing.
53. I had the Beer Run song stuck in my head. If you do not know this song it's probably because you didn't go to college. Or ever play trivia with me on Tuesdays.
52. People need to bring back the plaid blazers - and not in a hipster kind of way.
48. I love that there is a small table outside the bathroom door. It makes me feel like I work at a Barnes & Noble.
47. I would be 54% percent more efficient at work if they piped in Big Band music for me to type to.
46. Procedures - I don't like them.
43. Someone who parks on the first floor has my dream car and I want to track them down and ask if they would let me drive it around the parking lot.
42. My computer froze up more today than a sewer pipe in January (in Alaska...)
40. Watch out, I am armed with a business card of a lawyer who specializes in sexual harassment cases and I am not afraid to use it. But chances are, since I can dish it as well as I can take it, I will never have a use for it...
39. I should have chopsticks at my desk.
38. They aren't lying - diet Dr. Pepper really does taste like regular Dr. Pepper
36. When are they going to make a new JAWS movie? Seriously, they reboot everything else. Imagine that shark as a CGI composite instead of a mechanical fish? I'd pay to see that - and then mock it for being bad.
35. I sometimes think people see me leave my desk and call me, just to leave a message on my machine since I can't stand seeing that red light there.
34. If there is a higher power who created mankind, why did he (or she) make eyelashes? Someone once told me they were to keep the dust out of your eyes - but I just think it was a cruel joke to put something that can be that painful that close to your eyeball.
33. Do people still wear Dockers?
30. What time is it?
29. My brain tried to Rick Roll me today. I was not amused.
28. I love when people thank me for doing my job. One of these days I'm going to reply "Well that is what I get paid for, would you like to make a contribution?" and see how many people kick in a few shekels.
24. Did my clock stop working? How could it only be 5 minutes later than the last time I looked?
23. There was a lot of talk about death at work today - a sure sign that it was a Monday.
21. Glue sticks make me wish more office supplies came in convenient stick form.
20. Must buy more gum. Today I had onions at lunch and it didn't make for a happy afternoon breath-wise.
19. Remember - when you list foods that you are allergic too and include lima beans, I am going to think you lying. The same goes for spinach, liver and brussel sprouts.
16. What makes non-dairy creamer creamy?
13. Sometimes the main reason I don't leave for lunch is fear I will never come back.
12. I am starting to wish for snow because that means the end of road construction season. The orange is starting to make me have homicidal thoughts.
11. Thank god for spell check (but only the English version).
8. I am trying to not go grocery shopping since I leave for vacation soon but I guess I can't go without eating for 5 days. I'm not Gandhi.
7. Water - Nature's Gatorade, sans the weird colors and flavors. Unless it's well water - then yes, it is a weird color and flavor.
5. HA! So it was the secretary in the conference room with the Swingline!
2. As one coworker asked "Why are the last 5 minutes of the day the longest?" The world may never know.
1. Wow my minds sure does have a lot of thoughts in it...
Thanks to everyone who reads this thing on a regular basis. It makes me feel accomplished. Like a small child who finally learns to use the potty or a nerdy kid who finally reaches level 80 in World of Warcraft*
And maybe if I hit 1000 followers I'll do 1000 thoughts - that is, if my head doesn't explore first.
~ The Office Scribe