Just Beet It

Ever since the first snowfall hit my fair city, I have been perplexed by the dark substance that is splashed all over the top of the parking deck where I joyfully put my Jeep each day as I head to cubicle land.  At first, I thought it was an oil leak.  But then it was there the next day.  And the next.  And the next.

Turns out, it is some sort of magical de-icing agent made from, get this, beet juice.

I let my fingers do the Googling and I guess the natural sugars or something in beet juice make it an excellent substitute for chemical melting agents and it it much greener than, say, rock salt.

Awesome, right?

No.  It's not awesome.  You know why?  Salt and other chemical melting agents wash off your clothes.  Beet juice on the other hand is a wonderful natural dye.  The kind of dye that Native Americans used to make their teepees more colorful and old Amish women still use in, um, knitting or something.

How do I know this?  Well, aside from being a wasteland of useless knowledge, I used to be a costumed guide at a historical village. (Think Ren Faire sans the bad British accents.)  My specialty was an 1830 log house where I taught people all about life during the time where Little House on the Prairie was fact and not a sappy TV show.  I would churn butter, card wool, and yes, dye cloth with that which nature provides.

Hence the reason that the bottoms of my favorite pair of lichen colored cords from Eddie Bauer are now a nice shade of purplish black.  And when I mentioned this to someone, their reply was "Well it's better than falling on the ice, isn't it?"

No!  Because while the beet juice on my pants won't fade, bruises do.

~ The Office Scribe