The Search for the Perfect Calendar

Each day when I come into the office I sit down at my desk, turn on my computer, and rip a page off my page-a-day calendar that hangs on my cubicle wall. As I ripped of the pages (extra for the weekend) I was shocked to see how few were left. It’s December and that means I am once again on my hunt for the perfect desk calendar.

Right now I am rocking a Far Side Page-A-Day. Yes, I know there is nothing shocking about the Far Side. It has basically been out since I have been able to read. I think the guy stopped writing new ones when I was in junior high. But it is a visual joke that generally makes me smile as I start my day. Plus I think I picked it up in early February for around $2.00 at Barnes and Noble and you can’t be that price.

(At home I have a wall calendar that showcases Bunny Suicides. It is demented and dark and weird which pretty much sums up my sense of humor, but that is nearly at it’s end to.)

So I have compiled a list of criteria that I think makes the perfect Page-A-Day Calendar. (Plus this gives me an excuse to compile a list, which as you may have figured out from previous posts, I adore!)

1) No sports
I am a sports loving girl. I watch the Bears on TV and love spending evenings watching the White Sox. But I do not need to know inane sports trivia like who hit the most left handed home runs in 1984 or which punter lost his shoe the most often while kicking. I will leave that for the guys who watch Sports Center at 6 different times during the day and spend more time on their Fantasy picks than they did on what to name their kids.

2) No animals
I’ll be honest, all animal related calendars should be burned to provide heat for the homeless. There is nothing creepier than looking at a co-workers calendar of small kittens frolicking in a field or dogs dressed in funny outfits. It’s cruel. No, not to the animals. But to me for having to look at them all day.

3) It must be funny
Everyone should start their day with a laugh. Whether it is a joke or a cartoon, I don’t care. But Bible quotes are not funny. Lines from poems are not funny. Political satire is not funny. The New Yorker is not funny. (I don’t care who you are but you can stop kidding yourself. Admit that you don’t understand the cartoons in the New Yorker and come down off your pretentious ledge).

4) No games
How much time do you think I would waste if I found a new crossword puzzle or brain teaser at my desk each morning? I guarantee my production would slip. Oh, and definitely no Sodoku (sp?). I don’t get that game and I never will.


5) Educational is okay
The word-a-day calendars are okay by me. I am all for expanding a person’s vocabulary. Plus, I once saw one that had the word defenestration on it. And that is my favorite word in the English Language. (Chupa Cabra is my favorite in Spanish). Don’t know what it means? Tough. Look it up and then use it in a sentence today.

So that is my list. Short but it covers a lot. Looking for a desk calendar of your own? Feel free to print it out and take it with you in your quest. I like to know I might be helping people out there.

The Office Scribe