American Workers Unite!

I sometimes really hate working for an American company. It seems that we get royally screwed out of some serious days off. Every week it seems like we are getting e-mails from other offices because they are going to be closed for this holiday or that holiday. And some of these sound very made up. So in retaliation, I am making up a list of days off that I think we, the American worker, needs off and am going to present it to the head of HR. I will let you know how things go.

Super Bowl Monday
After a day of feasting on hot wings and nachos, chased with copious amounts of cold beer we need a day to recover and let the Pepto work its magic.

Super Tuesday
I love to vote but I hate my polling place. It’s a local elementary school and because of my work schedule the only time I can make it over there is when all the kids are showing up and because Mrs. Smith can’t let little Johnny take the bus and has to drive him, there are no parking spaces. All this could be solved by not having to work so I could vote at 11:00 am. (Plus, this year Super Tuesday is also my birthday which should be a national holiday in it’s own right).

Valentine’s Day
Solely because I hate when co-workers get mushy gifts from their significant others. Keep that crap at home. Plus, no one looks good in pink and those little chalk-esque hearts make me gag.

St. Patrick’s Day
The day an entire nation decides to adopt a nationality not their own solely to drink green beer and wear funny hats is a day no person should have to work.

Random Thursday
I’d like to think we don’t really need a special reason to take this day off.

The First Monday After Kids Go Back To School
A day at the mall without having to fight through crowds of teenagers who should be working at the Gap instead of shopping there is definitely worth a day off.

And Finally: Spring Cleaning Day
A day in which you can throw out all the clutter you have accumulated since going into winter hibernation. Or you could spend the day out buying more clutter. The choice is yours.

Have a recommendation? I’d love to hear it. Send me an e-mail and if I get some gems, I might have to update the list.

The Office Scribe