Friday, December 14, 2007

Does anybody work any more?

I took the day off, mainly because I had vacation days left but also because I had to get some Christmas shopping done or the people I know and love were going to be very upset with me come December 25.

So I went to a local mall, one that is actually near my office. It is a truly great mall. All the stores I needed for my Christmas shopping. I drove over there and arrived about 10:30 AM and damned if I couldn’t find a parking space. It was 10:30 AM on a Friday morning and all the spaces in the lots were taken except for those located in the area my friends and I like to call “Rape-O Land”. And I wasn’t parking there. I was planning on doing massive shopping and the thought of lugging all those bags half way across the tundra of the parking lot chilled me more than today’s wind chill.

I then headed to the parking deck, which is 5 levels of nothing but parking. I ended up on LEVEL 4!!! Again, it is only 10:30 AM on a Friday. (Okay, maybe 10:45 AM at this point.)

The mall is packed with people. And not just the elderly or bored looking housewives that I know don’t work. There were people of all ages, just wandering around the mall. I saw kids that looked like there definitely should have been in school, adults walking hand in hand as I stared, wondering why they weren’t at work. Colleges weren’t out yet and I don’t think schools were closed. And how could the world function if all those people took the day off?

That leaves only one conclusion. They were all zombies.

Think about it. The glazed over looks as they plod from store to store. The lack of any actual shopping being done by them. Scooping out the brains of a Cini-bun employee like frozen yogurt. Oh, wait, maybe I didn’t actually see that last one.

These lonely, lost souls with nothing better to do have come back to the mall, must like the movie Dawn of the Dead. A place they know and feel comfortable at.

That movie should have been nominated for an Oscar for best documentary.

The Office Scribe

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