Manic Monday #11

When did Starbucks start hiring fetuses to be baristas?  The girl that made my Iced Venti Quad Nonfat Latte could not have been more than 13 years old.  What makes me think that?  The braces with multi-colored rubber bands and her commanding use of the word "Um..."

Yes, I was limping at work today.  And I wish I had a better story to accompany it like "I was kicking a mugger who was trying to steal and old lady's purse" or "A giant anteater stepped on it while I was traversing South America" because both of those are better than "I screwed it up carrying a table during my family party".

As we found out at work today a calculator doesn't do much go when the number five stops working.

I was sitting at my desk today and I kept thinking of all these interesting things that would happen and how they would make good entries for Manic Monday.  And while I usually makes notes of them as they occur I was too busy to do so today.  Serves me right I guess, because I can't think of one interesting thing that happened...

~ The Office Scribe

Goodbye, Strike That...Hello Again

I had an entire, elaborate post constructed in my mind regarding getting rid of my Kia Sportage and purchasing my new car.  See, I test drove a car on Friday and called the dealership on Saturday morning and told them to put the car on hold, I would be there Tuesday (Monday's are too busy) to sign the paperwork and hand over a sizeable chunk of money.

But I think that post is going to have to wait.  Why?

BECAUSE THE FUCKING DEALERSHIP CALLED ME THIS MORNING TO TELL ME THEY HAD SOLD THE CAR I WANTED, EVEN THOUGH, I HAD IT ON HOLD.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Apparently the owner didn't honor the car salesman code and went and sold the car Saturday night.  When my salesman came into work and found out, he had the happy job of telling me that my car, which I was all ready to purchase today, was sold out from underneath me.

To all the salesmen out there - That is not how you do business.  It is never good to piss off a potential customer.  It is even worse to piss off a potential customer with a blog and a somewhat decent following.

But I will take the high road and not bash the dealership - why?  Because they are still looking for a car for me.  So if they find me some amazing car that is in my price range they may be forgiven.  If not, then check back here in a few days and find out where you shouldn't buy a car if you live in Chicago.

~ The Office Scribe

Sorry about the foul language.  I have been in a mood all day.  Even a Jimmy John's lunch and the offer of a stapler to throw haven't made me feel better.

Oh, and did I mention a co-worker who doesn't even read my blog showed up in a brown shirt today?

Manic Monday #10

Sometimes I worry about the employees at my company developing a collective conscious because we spend too much time together.  Then I laugh off that absurd idea.  Until days like today where about half the people in the office were wearing green shirts, myself included.  Tomorrow I think I will wear a brown shirt and test this theory out.

There is nothing else on earth that smells like a BandAid.

If you don't call until the end of the day why are you surprised when the person you are trying to reach is no longer there.  People do not often just sit around waiting for you to call.

People who go to the bathroom at the same time everyday are a mystery to me.  How can your life be that scheduled?  Do you follow this routine at home on the weekends or does it just apply to the office?

Thanks to a co-worker I've had various Beatles songs stuck in my head today.  But I guess it could be worse.  I had a conversation about Beyonce today.

Seriously, what is that beeping?  It isn't happening enough for it to be something low on batteries so what is it?  Robots?

The Results Are In: Should My Friend Stubbs Get A Mullet?

I just realized that I never published the results of what to date has been my largest poll ever. Well, largest in the number of votes tallied (41). I guess mullets are what draws people to vote. Perhaps politicians should take note of this?

The Results:

Yes - 25 Votes

No - 6 Votes

You Are A Horrible Friend - 10 Votes

I could have put money on "Yes" being the winner in this poll, but I have to admit that I am a little hurt to see that so many of you thought just by posting this poll I was a horrible friend. I am an amazing friend. The kind of friend that won't jump off a birdge into an unknown depth of water until she lets a friend have the honor of doing it first...

But sadly I also have to report that Stubbs will not be getting the mullet. Something about having to be in people's weddings and the brides being upset about her new "busines in the front party in the back" 'do.

Maybe we can just get her really drunk at the reception and convincer her to let us do it while the wedding band plays something by Billy Ray Cyrus. (Ha! Something, like the guy had more than one song...)

~ The Office Scribe

iGoogle Makes Me Green

There are a lot of things I inherited from my father.  My love of the Chicago White Sox.  My inability to eat a grilled cheese sandwich without ketchup.  The ability to hold a grudge longer than a shark can hold its breath.

The most work-worthy thing though is the obsession with making to-do lists.  For anyone who is a frequent reader of this publication you know how much I love making lists.  But when I am not listing My Favorite Office Supplies or Reasons I Will Not Let You On The Fun Committee I spend my time making actual to-do lists of things I need to do.  I generally make two a day:  one for things to do when I am not at work and one of things to do at work. 

The one at work is the on I generally put a lot of time into.  For the past six months or so I have been getting to work each morning, grabbing a piece of light blue scrap paper, and outlining my day.  It's not so much that I need a list to remember what to do, I just really enjoy the satisfaction of crossing each task out with the only Sharpie marker in the office.

Today though I found a way to keep my lists but ease into the 21st century.  Do you guys know about iGoogle?  It's the main page of Google but for crackheads who really like applications. (i.e. people with iPhones.  Note:  I am not one of those people.  Not until my trusty Razr dies anyway.)  You can customize your main page with tons of useful items like Joke of the Day for when you need a way to end the silence at the lunch table, Pet Turtle because your boss won't let you actually keep a real one at your desk, and Daily Bible Verse for when you feel bad about cursing the Microsoft Outlook for locking up on you.

 

Generally most of the applications on my iGoogle have a practical use like a currency convertor and language translator.  But nothing is more useful than what I added today:

THE iGOOGLE TO DO LIST

I failed at my attempt to get a pic of my iGoogle page posted here so you could see an example if what I am talking about but I am computer illiterate once I leave for the day so there.

But believe me when I tell you amazing.  It is a virtual yellow lined pad where you can add tasks that you need to complete and when you are done, you can delete them off, giving pretty much the same satisfaction as crossing them out without the noxious marker fumes.  Sadly I was so busy doing stuff today that I didn't get to my to-do list so there is still a bunch of stuff on there.  And the only real downfall is that when I go on iGoogle at home there list is there, reminding me of what I have to do tomorrow.

But I am sure I will eventually learn to suppress it much like everything else that deals with work once I clock out.

~ The Office Scribe

I Scream, You Scream

You know what turns an average day at work in an exciting day at work?

BUILDING WIDE ICE CREAM SOCIAL!!!

As an act of tenant appreciation the building my office was in held an ice cream social for everyone, and I have to say, it was pretty awesome.  They had four flavors of ice cream that you could get in a dish or in a waffle cone.  And then they had like 8 toppings that you could put on.

Luckily went down to the lobby the line was pretty short but when I left there had to be about 100 people milling about.  I didn't even think that many people worked in the building.  I mean, the parking lot always seems empty.  Makes me wonder where they all came from.

Perhaps they were ice cream social crashers.

How do I get that to be my job title?

~ The Office Scribe

Not So Manic Monday

Monday's are when I usually provide my readers with short and witty observations from around my office, but not much happened today.

I'll be honest, I did paperwork all day which didn't leave a lot of room for me to notice anything interesting.

Oh, except for one thing....

THE VENDING MACHINE NOW HAS 

DIET DR. PEPPER IN IT!!!

Oh the glory!  Oh the rapture!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring...

~ The Office Scribe

Oh, and if you aren't doing anything, head over to the Mercury Falls website and sign up for the interest list.  The guy is about 4 sign-ups away from his goal.  Help the man out.  Because I have said it before and I will say it again, when I finally finish my book/novel/screenplay/fortune cookie I want people to support me.