Thursday, October 1, 2009

Give Me Your Lunch Money...And Your Parking Space

So I used to have a co-worker that subscribed to Oprah newsletters.  When she left the company all of her work e-mails were forwarded to me.  They have pretty much stopped.  Except for the Oprah newsletters.  No matter how many times I unsubscribe from them they keep coming.  

So today I get one that starts out by asking "Are you bullied at work?"  

Unlike all of the other e-mails I get from the most powerful person in the world I felt compelled to read it.  The article starts out explaining what a work bully is and provides a list of scenarios which may occur if you are being bullied.  My favorite was "If you throw up before coming to work you may be being bullied".  Personally I think if you throw up before you come to work you might be knocked up.  

But then the article got really interesting.  It contained a list of questions which could tell you if you are a bully.  Much like a quiz on Cosmo.  So I sat there and read the questions and answered them in my head.  Here is a selection of the questions and my answers:

1) Does your department have the highest percentage of people who request to leave?

Well, since I moved into my department about 5 people have joined.  And the same number have moved out.  Is that a high percentage?  And could this be my fault?

2) Several employees are on disability because of stress

Holy hell!  You can get disability for stress?  Who do I see in HR for that?

3) Loyalty to you is the most important employee trait.

Well, yes it is.  That and the fact that you live close to a Panera and can bring me an Asiago Cheese Bagel.

4) No one seems trainable; they never get work done as quickly or correctly as you like.

Well that's just because no one else is as awesome as I am.

So I answered the other questions and I have to confess - I think I am a workplace bully.  But then again, my freshman year psych teacher told me I shouldn't self diagnose.  Which may be wise words because when I took that test in my text book that said I was a sociopath I was a little upset.  And frightened.

~ The Office Scribe


Ed Adams said...

There's one in every office. Embrace your role with pride.

You Bully, you.

Anonymous said...

So... you've tried to unsubscribe from the newsletter but they are persistently invading your inbox?? Hmmm.... seems to me like Oprah is the work bully!

JLI said...

You don't know what you're missing out on if you eat that Asiago Cheese Bagel without Sun Dried Tomato Cream Cheese. It's heaven!

David said...

Ok, ok, I'll get you one of those Asiago Cheese Bagel, but please don't hurt me...

The Office Scribe said...

Nah, if Oprah was a real bully Chicago would be hosting the Olympics in 2016 and not crime infested Rio.

And I love how everyone keys in on the Asiago Cheese Bagels. As I sit at home right now (sick day)I wold kill for one of those and a cup of Cream of Chicken Wild Rice Soup.

David said...

You may not have heard of this but if Oprah won't let Gayle unsubscribe your email address, just label them as junk and ban them to the spam file.

Just a suggestion and please don't shoot the messenger you controlling bully.

Unfnished Rambler said...

I was going to say about the bagel and Panera too, but now that everyone else already has...

aw, heckfire :), I'll say it anyway. I miss Panera. Live in the middle of nowhere now and don't have one. Just consider yourself lucky, Scribe.

Hope you feel better soon.

dadadadio said...

The last one kills me. I guess we have to accept low work standards or face being labelled the workplace bully.