Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Manic Monday* - The Renaissance Faire Edition

Because nothing says "Happy Labor Day" like heading to the Renaissance Faire to check out some jousting, royalty, and apparently, breasts.

Speaking of breasts, I came back from getting a sassafras (yeah, it's old timey rootbeer) and my mom said, "We have to chase down that woman.  You have to see her from the front," she said, pointing to a 50 year old woman in full wench garb.  So you know, in a totally stealthy (read:  awkward and stalker-like) we hustled so I could see what my mom was talking about.  Once I managed to get in front of her and casually turn around I almost fell over.  This woman's boobs were about the size of my head (and I am of Irish decent and was born Cesarian which means why head is HUGE) and spilling out of a corset for all the world to see.  And she didn't even work there.  She was just getting into the spirit of things.  By exposing her breasts to small children who came to see knights.

Most of the workers at the Faire were really nice.  They would bid you "good day" and stay in character a little bit while trying to sell their wares.  But one kid, I would say he was about 16, came up to my mom and I when he heard me make a comment about a kilt pin that said "dead men tell no tales".  He then proceeded to launch into an explanation about how live men could tell tales like raccoon, squirrel, horse.  We just smiles at this awkward young man and as we scurried away I told her "He will never know the warmth of a woman" and she couldn't argue with me.

A unique thing about the Faire is that people like to dress up in full blow costumes and just visit.  They aren't employed.  They aren't characters.  They just paid their $15 like I did but walk around in a kilt or dressed like a fairy (neither of which are very renaissance-like but whatever.)  The costume I really didn't understand was the 18 year old who wore a black karate outfit and carried a wooden katana sword.  While I know there have been ninjas for thousands of years I don't think there were many walking through Sherwood forest.

To all the people who were stoked that they went to the Faire on the Queen's birthday, I hate to tell you, but everyday at the Faire is the Queen's birthday.  That way they can always have that cool parade and make it seem special.  Trust me, your timing isn't that good.

My favorite people I saw at the Ren Faire were those who came looking for an authentic experience.  They watched the joust.  They bowed to the queen.  They bought an entire chain mail suite and got their family crest painted on a shield.  And then when it came time to eat they stood in line with the rest of the morons for a cheese pizza.  At least get your kid a turkey leg which, yes, could feed a family of four and he will most likely only eat three bites of, but he will look so much more badass in those family photos that you can force your relatives to look at during the holidays.

~ The Office Scribe

* Yeah, I know it's Tuesday.  But after I write this yesterday I fell asleep and never published it.  Shoot me.


Bee said...

The husband and I went there on our way back from our honeymoon. It was hot, I was sticky but it was awesome! One of the dudes kept picking on Andy until he finally chased the dude away with a bow and arrow. Andy didn't have as much fun as I did. ;o)

Ed Adams said...

They actually have these fairs? I thought that was something they made up for the FREE CREDIT REPORT.COM commercials.

LocoLesley said...

Those fair(e?) people freak me out. Too close to Carnies, if you ask me.


dadadadio said...

King Richard's Faire in Carver, MA is pretty cool. There are always a few faire-goers taking it a little too serious but hey, it's a free country. If you want to wear leather and/or armour in the heat of July, have at it brother.

When I moved to Arizona and heard of the Ren Faire in Apache Junction I was aghast. The idea of knights and damsels amidst the saguaro cactus seemed a tad less authentic. I suspect the merry men never saw a cactus and wouldn't know what to do if they did.

The Office Scribe said...

There are a lot of things about the faire that are unauthentic - I wouldn't even worry about the location.