Thursday, October 30, 2008

Interns – aka – Acceptable Child Labor

We received an e-mail this week about how my company is being affected by this horrific economy (which I, personally think is a myth since I ran out to the mall to buy some 69 cent crepe paper last night and couldn’t find a parking space). It basically said how we are off our revenue goals so to ultimately protect ourselves they have enacted a hiring freeze and none of us are getting raises or bonuses until March of next year.

At first I was pissed off because I don’t make a lot of money to start with, but then I came to the conclusion that my current salary would still be a hell of a lot more than I would get if I was cut loose.

But this got me to thinking of other ways we could cut costs around here and I realized that what will save our company and ultimately, my job, is to get us some interns. I was never one of these myself (because my time is valuable and I want to get money, not dumb school credit, for my work) but I have seen them on TV and in movies so of course I know how it works.

Basically, we could take all the menial people who are getting paid, lay them off, and then “hire” interns to do these menial tasks. It would save the company a fortune and hopefully make some fresh-faced 19 year old realize that working in the corporate world isn’t all it is cracked up to be.

I just might have to swing by HR and pitch my idea, as long as I make it understood that I am not one of these menial employees, because then that would backfire and I would be stuck begging for change outside Union Station while pushing my 6 kids* in a rusty shopping cart.

~The Office Scribe

* And buy six kids I mean a 6-pack of Keystone Light. I think people seeing me drink cheap beer would get me more sympathy than if they saw me with some whiny brats…

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