Morning, you have a call from Mumbles McWhisper

Everyday I get phone calls from clients and agents. 99.9% of these people are professionals, which mean they are speaking to me from a phone in their very own office, which is most likely nicer than mine.

What I don't understand is why these people never learned to speak clearly. It reminds me of that Dane Cook routine about working at the BK Lounge and not being able to understand what people were ordering because of their failure to speak clearly. But I don't work at McDonalds. People don't speak to me on speaker boxes from their cars with traffic and nature making all kinds of noises in the background. These people speak to me from their phones, land lines and cell.

These are quality pieces of technology in most cases. High end digital phones so clear you could hear a pin drop (thank you Sprint). Which is why I don't understand why I get phone conversations that go as follows:

Me: Good morning, how may I help you?
Them: mmmmppphhhrrr Bob Smitheerssrf, for salad.
Me: Excuse me, I didn't catch your full name.
Them: Bob Smitheerssrf. From Alabangany.
Me: Okay sir, how I can I assist you.
Them: (((whispering)))
Me: Okay, are you all right sir?
Them: Yeppers. I need salad regargling Alabangany.
Me: Okay sir, well she is on the phone with another client at the moment, can I put you through to her voicemail.
Them: Message 765-093-93JJ786
Me: Okay sir, you have a wonderful day.

(Note: The above message is a glorified example of what I am talking about)

Or another good type, aside from the incoherent baballing, are the people who are on the phone with me, but are much more interested in carrying on a conversation with someone in the room with them.

Me: Good afternoon, how can I help you?
Them: I told you I didn't want that crap.
Me: Excuse me?
Them: Seriously, I mean, how many times do I have to tell you. I'm going to make you walk all the way back down there and pick it up and drive it back to whatever pit you got it from.
Me: Can I help you?
Them: Alfred, put the cat down. Mommy is trying to make a phone call.
Me: Would you like to call back at another time? I am here until 5:00?
Them: No, why would I want to do that?
Me: Okay, so how can I assist you?
Them: Thst's it. I am sick of dealing with you. Go away.
Me: Ummm

I don't undertand why it is so hard to carry on a decent phone conversation in today's world. Whatever the case, I don't see it changing anytime soon.

And don't even get me started on e-mails. I'll save that for another day.

The Office Scribe