A place where I can make you feel what it is like to work in an office, whether you want to or not.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY - NEW OFFICE POLICY
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according toyour salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying aGucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financiallyand therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage yourmoney better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, andtherefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you needto be and therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proofof sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year - They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.There is now a strict three-minute time limit in thestalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stalldoor will open, and a picture will be taken. After yoursecond offense, your picture will be posted on thecompany bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category.Anyone caught smiling in the picture will besectioned under the company's mental health policy.
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they needto eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternationand input should be directed elsewhere.
One of my coworkers sent this to me and since I was going to be lazy and not post tonight, I thought "oooh, easy post!".