Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Scientific Study

Though I obtained a degree in creative writing from an institute of higher learning, that does not mean that I do not occasionally express an interest in those topics outside of being creative or writing. Take today for example.  I decided to embark on my own little science experiment to see if I could answer a questions which has been nagging me lately...

Does what a person wears affect their productivity?

So I broke out something I like to call The Scientific Method and put my query though it's paces.

Step One: Observation

Over the past 4 years of my life I have been working in a typical office.  Cubicles. Bad lighting. Lack of fresh air. And Casual Fridays.  To this day I don't understand why we have to dress up to do what we do, but alas, HR will only let us don jeans and sports jerseys on the last day we are in the office.  I took to looking around on Fridays to see if people were less productive, and if this could possible be the reason why we weren't allowed to wear jeans every day of the week.

Step Two: Hypothesis

To the layman (or people who have forgotten about 4th grade earth science class), a hypothesis is an educated guess about the outcome of the experiment you are about to partake in.  Basically it's the scientific equivalent to a gypsy telling you your fortune.  But without the massive amounts of gold jewelry and the crystal ball.  In this instance, my hypothesis is:

What people wear will not affect how productive people are on any given day.

Step Three: Method

When I was in school, this was my least favorite part because you had to explain the experiment.  I would rather people just trust my conclusion, but since teachers like you to show your work, I will.

To conduct this experiment I spent a major part of my Sunday in sweatpants and a tank top.  I then set about making my apartment look less like the hovel of a homeless person and more like the home of a twenty-something person who didn't want to fear inviting people over.  

Step Four: Results

During my time rocking uber casual clothing, I was able to get all my laundry done, change my sheets, vacuum ever square inch of carpeting, water my plants, watch "Jaws", clean my kitchen, roast acorn squash for soup, and write a new blog post.

Step Five: Conclusion

My conclusion supports my hypothesis, of that what you wear has no affect on how productive you are. Basically, I get as much done (and chances are more done) when I am in non-binding clothing that I don't have to be afraid that I am going to muss up and therefore have to take to the cleaners.

To my fellow office workers, feel free to use this highly scientific data at your own office to possibly get the dress code changed.  Then report back to me as to how you succeeded.  

~ The Office Scribe


Nine Mile said...

You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK...

Lis said...

My issue is with your hypothesis and methods. To test this correctly you shouod have cleaned the same stuff in work clothes as well. I suggest my house for the test.

The Office Scribe said...

Ahh, nothing like starting the day with a Joe vs, the Volcano quote.

And Lis, I am not cleaning your house. Period.

Lis said...


Ed said...

Your conclusion holds true, unless you're a clown.

abendkleider said...

It is one of the creative writing from the institute of a higher learning that can be ocassionally to express an interest topics that can be outside of being the creative or writing.