Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Manic Monday: The Out Of Office Edition

Yeah, so I wasn't at work yesterday.  I took the day off to work on my tan up at my mom's.  I thought it would happen as I was chilling on the dock, bot deciding to mow and re-seed her lawn.  But the sun gets to you either way.  

I was designated driver on Saturday night and I didn't get to sleep until 4am.  (I know, I am wild...)  At 5am I woke up with one thought in my mind:  I forgot to set my out of office message telling people I wasn't going to be at work on Monday.  Yeah, as a co-worker told me, that says all kinds of crazy about my mental state.

I just noticed today that the doors in my office are HUGE.  Not really that wide but super tall.  They go all the way to the ceiling.  I know people have become taller over time (especially if you are Dutch) but come on office architects.  Do you expect a 7 foot tall guy to come in and work in the corporate world?  Sure, if he is dumb and has never heard of the NBA or the circus...

Helpful Hint:  Don't leave Crystal Light Fruit Punch sit in a Nalgeen bottle for a long weekend.  Sure, it will come clean but unless you have small hands you'll be forced to paw through the drawers in the kitchen until you find a cheap metal kitchen tong which you can straighten like a Slinky and use to reach the bottom with a damp paper towel just as your co-worker walks in and gives you are "What the hell are you doing look?" and instead of taking the time to explain you just ask in an unassuming tone "And how was your weekend?"

There is nothing quite like sitting at your desk, trying to figure out if you took the garbage out before you left for a long weekend or if you will have to call in a Haz-Mat crew in order to enter your apartment...

My page-a-day calendar started out really funny with short little jokes and sayings but now each page is full of a paragraph or more of tiny writing that i just don't have the energy to read.  If it wasn't June I would consider replacing it.  I am sure I could still find one at Barnes & Noble for 75% off.  (Though my luck they would all be Twilight calendars)

For anyone out there with a G-Mail account:  You know how the advertisements on the right hand side are tailored to the contents of your e-mail?  For example - you type a letter about liking office supplies and the ads the next time you check are all for pens and paper?  I know this is a program concocted by some smart programmer, but I like to think that there is a room full of people forced to read really boring e-mails and tailor the ads to them.  Why do this job?  The secrets.  It's all about the secrets.

~ The Office Scribe

1 comment:

Bee said...

I once left about an inch of coffee in my mug at my desk while I went on a 9 day vacation (5 work days 2 weekends) and when I came back it had mold.

Now I'm hungry.