I Hope You Go Blind

Recently I have been spending a lot of time up at my mom’s place on the weekends, helping her get ready for the twice a year garage sale her community holds. We have a lot of junk we can sell since the move. It’s amazing the stuff that accumulates in a house over 30 or so years.

And I really hope a lot of it sells, because her being 80 miles away is taking it’s toll on my gas tank. And with the way gas prices are going (Thanks OPEC!) I don’t see it getting better in the near future.

The interesting thing though is all the fun things I get to see on my drive into work on Monday mornings. Of course I see the usual people gulping coffee or chatting on their cell phones. The people that really have my interest piqued are the ones that feel the need to perform their own Mary Kay makeover while going 70 mph down I-90 at 8:00AM.

I understand you want to look nice. I understand that we can all benefit from a little makeup. But how ballsy is it to try and apply mascara in this manner? And in all actuality, how much do you really care about your looks? If make up meant that much to you, so much that you’d be willing to either blind yourself or cause a 20 car pile-up while applying lipstick, then wouldn’t you wake up 5 minutes earlier and do it in your bathroom with a proper mirror and lighting?

I am really surprised that we don’t hear about more accidents due to early morning changing lanes while applying make up. Maybe there is a cover up by authorities to protect the feelings of the family. How embarrassing would it be to have to tell your friends that your sister dies in a horrible car accident because she was trying to apply purple eye liner to make her eyes stand out? (Yeah, I read Vogue. I know stuff about make up.) Or why your Aunt Shelly had to have a closed casket due to inappropriate application of concealer?

So ladies, I beg of you. Please take a few extra minutes and do your make up at home. I’d feel safer and I guarantee your co-workers will stop the Tammy Fay Baker jokes if you do.

The Office Scribe