Where were you last Wednesday at 2:00 PM?

I generally hate lazy people. And by lazy people I mean the wankers in my office who like to go out of there way to hit the elevator instead of walking up the one flight of stairs to the second floor where the office is located. I shake my head as I plod up the steps and always hope that the elevator gets stuck.

The only time I use the elevator is on Wednesdays, also known as “the day after I play softball and my knee feels like a prison shank has been shoved up underneath it”. So one day a week I ride the elevator down to the lobby to get my giant half/half (half Diet Coke/half Reg Coke).

As I stepped into the elevator yesterday and the door closed I thought “My God! I’ve gone blind!” Did, I in fact, lose my sight? No, it’s just that the lights inside the elevator is of such high wattage I thought my retinas had been burned out from my head.

Once my vision returned I started to notice that the elevator didn’t look like an elevator. It was more like an interrogation room. Hot, stinging lights, which made me want to confess what I had been doing the night before (answer: laundry & playing softball). This then made me wonder if there is a person who makes a living designing the inside of elevators. And if there parents are proud of them for this job.

And yes, all of this happened in the span of about 14 seconds as the elevator descended one floor. My mind tends to race a bit when fountain drinks are on the line…

The Office Scribe

Swing Away

In order to get to know my co-workers better and to be a true “team player” I decided to join the co-ed 16 inch softball team. I figured it would be fun. I played softball when I was a kid and am pretty athletic, so I thought “what the hell”. And even though our team sucks we have a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, the weather in Chicago during this time of the year is not always conducive to playing sports. Mainly, rain and lighting do not make me want to spring into the middle of a treeless field and start swinging away. So sadly a few of our games have been cancelled due to rainouts. This was the case last Tuesday and it might be the case today.

Which is really sad because I really need to hit something with a bat.

I know it is only Tuesday but this has been one rough week. M is out of the office so I am covering all her files, which seem to be imploding and exploding on a daily basis. I bet on a normal day I get three phone calls (and two of those are from my mom). Today I got 17 phone calls and about 30 e-mails. One lady actually yelled at me on the phone and said she questioned my judgment by working for such a stupid company.

So like I said, I really have to hit something with a bat.

I figure that will be the only way to relieve the tension knot I have between my shoulder blades because Motrin and Limited Edition Indiana Jones Snickers Minis (which are the bomb and have coconut in them!) are not doing the job.

So please everyone. Do you anti rain dance.

Because I need to hit something with a bat today.

The Office Scribe

Kids - Those Lucky Bastards

I have been really busy lately.  This has been the first weekend where I have been home both Saturday and Sunday in over two months.  A lot of time has been spent at my moms, helping her get ready for a garage sale and getting her house in order.  And then on top of that there's work, softball, and the little social life I can squeeze in here and there.

Which is why I am mad that all the little children will soon be released into society as the school year comes to an end.  Sure, I remember being young and loved having my summers free, but that all stopped once I got a job.  And now I am jealous of all the kids that will have 2-3 months of doing nothing except crowing public places, running around stores, and generally adding 10 minutes to my commute time as mommy drops them off somewhere because she doesn't want them at home with her all day.

So I guess what I am saying is that we have a whole untapped work force out there.  No, I don't mean sit kids down in cubicles and make them balance books.  But it would be nice if you parents out there took them to a park and made them pick up some litter.  You know, not let them just sit in the house and play video games.

Because if I have to work then everyone should have to.

The Office Scribe