My Newest Profession - Weather(wo)man

This past Thursday something happened to me, which can only be described as spiritual.  I was calmly sitting at my desk, when I was struck by a bolt of lightning known to many as a "calling".  Religious fanatics have these all the time... a higher power speaks to them and sets them on the path of destiny.  And while this occurrence is common in caves and cult compounds, it rarely ever happens within the confines of ones cubicle.

But there I sat, patiently going about my day last Thursday, when I heard the voice...

The first whisper came in the form of the morning radio as I awoke (sadly not to the radio, but that is for another post).  There was mutterings about how Chicago was going to be hit with another wave of snow, not as bad as the Snowpocolypse of 2011 but enough that it would cause havoc on the roadways later in the day...

Next, I was contacted by the powers via e-mail.  A company wide e-mail had gone out announcing that the hotel next door was running a special "Snow Rate" for anyone who wished to spend the night and not attempt to go home in the chaos that people were predicting....

At a meeting a short while later, someone declared that they had heard that the snow predictions had gone from 1-3 inches to possibly 9, enough to once again bring the Chicagoland area to its knees...

Lastly, some coworkers whose cubicles are located a short distance from mine stood around, discussing the possibility of being snowed in the following day, their cars trapped by the piles of snow that the news was predicting...

And that's when the bolt hit me.  I felt it go through my body like an electric shudder.  I stood upright, and announced in a clear voice...

"Don't listen to the news.  We are going to get less than half an inch.  You won't be snowed in tomorrow."

My coworkers looked at me and smiled, possibly thinking that I had lost my mind.  They continued to speak of bringing work home with them and of stopping off to gather supplies before the storm.

I sat back down at my desk, feeling not a sense of defeat, but of enlightenment.  I was sure that come the following day, everyone would be back at the desks...

I woke Friday morning, my blinds closed to keep out the winter sun (seriously, I sleep like a vampire) and wondered if my prediction could have been correct.  I was almost fearful to look outside, for if there was a ton of snow, then possibly I was losing my mind.  I gathered myself and lurched out of bed (no grace before coffee) and peeked out of the window.  And what do you think I saw?

If you said 5-9 inches of snow, you would most certainly be wrong.

As I predicted, there was about 1/2 inch of snow, if that, covering the ground.  There was so little accumulation that the maintenance guy at my building was using a push broom as opposed to a shovel.  I was ecstatic with the knowledge that I know had the power to predict the weather like some sort of Greek god, or Marvel superhero.  

Which is why I marched into my boss' office on Friday, handed in my resignation, and applied to be a meteorologist at Channel 5 news.

Okay, so that last sentence was nothing but lies, but I was pretty proud of myself for being able to properly forecast the weather sans fancy equipment and a green screen.

It's nice to know if my current job doesn't work out, I have something to fall back on (besides bartending, baking, butchering, writing, landscaping, organ donation, ninja assassin, peg board operator, captain of a cruise ship and homeless clown.)

~ The Office Scribe