Manic Monday - The "Is Summer Over?" Edition

Though most commonly marked by Labor Day, summer seems to have decided to give up early and let fall take up residence as the current season in Chicago.  Which by my calculations means winter should be here in early October.

I can deal with cool weather.  I like fleeces and sweatshirts and comfy clothes.  But when my arse started going numb as I sat at the company picnic because the metal picnic table was the same temperature as a freezer shelf I decided maybe it was time to call it a night.

You know the perfect way to start a cool Monday morning?  Consume a healthy, balance breakfast of Apple Cider Donuts that you purchased at the orchard this weekend.  Like the chips at Ballydoyle Pub, I am pretty sure these were sprinkled with crack too.

I had to wear a jacket to work today.  A jacket!  In August!  Of course as soon as I reached my cubicle I flung it off because it was near 100 degrees inside the office.  But still, there is hung all day on the back of my chair.  Because I am too lazy to hang it in the closet which is a whopping 10 feet from my desk and if I hang it there I know I will forget it.

I made the official 2010 department calendar today so people can start planning their vacations for next year.  And that is something people start doing when summertime is over the the thought of a long winter in the cubicles starts to drive them mad.

People around here have pretty much given up on the Sox and the Cubs and all sports related chit chat is now about the Bears.  If I wear my Urlacher jersey on Friday is that too soon?

And the last reason I know that summer is over is that in my candy dish right now someone has dumped an entire bag of those orange and black wrapped Mary Jane peanut butter candies which only come out in the fall.  Love them or hate them you have to admit that pretty much means summer is over.

~ The Office Scribe

Personally I Blame Kate Beckinsdale

Sometimes when there is no one to answer phones at the company I find myself up at the front desk directing calls.  Generally it is pretty simple.  Most of the time is spent doing the following:

1) Answer Call

2) Transfer Call

When no one is on the phone I either do actual work or more often just catch up on the days news.  Today, though, something happened which has never happened before.

A currier came in with several packages for someone.  A normal person would just sign for them and eventually call the co-worker to come and pickup the package the next time they passed through reception.

But I am not a normal person.  I am a person who has currently rated over 1600 on Netflix which means I have seen WWWAAAYYY too many movies.

And the reason I won't sign for packages that aren't for me or that I don't know the contents of is because of the movie Broken Down Palace*.  Never seen it?  Oh, let me give you a brief little description:  Two girls go on vacation in Thailand.  They agree to carry a package for a stranger.  SPOILER ALERT:  The package contained drugs.  They got caught and ended up in a Thai prison.

So sorry to all UPS, FedEx, Postmen, DHL, or bike messengers.  You will have to wait while I call the person the package was intended for up to the front desk 'cause I ain't signing for it.

~ The Office Scribe

*  You could also substitute Bridget Jones 2: The Edge of Reason but it doesn't provide as negative a look at a Thai woman's prison because as long as you wear a bra and know Madonna you will okay in that scenario because a cure British barrister will save you and you won't have to depend on the president from Independence Day.

The Results Are In: The Frosting Poll

The most interesting thing about the results of this poll is freaky math used by Blogger polls.  You will see what I mean when you read the results:

Do You Like Frosting? - 26 Votes Total

Yes, It's the Best Part of the Cake - 14 Votes (53%)

No, It Tastes Like Wallpaper Paste - 2 Votes (7%)

Yes, But Only of it's Cream Cheese - 10 Votes (38%)

No, My Diabetes Won't Let Me - 0 Votes (0%)

Can you spot the wonky math?

Since when did 53+7+38 = 100?

It doesn't.  Where's the missing 2%?

I'll give someone a cookie if they can figure it out...

~ The Office Scribe

Manic Monday #12

To the Person Who Keeps Commenting On the Manic Monday Posts In An Asian Language I Can't Read: Please start using a language I can understand.  Or at least an alphabet I can understand.

I decided today that since I could write my name in the dust behind my computer it might be time to dust my desk off.  Half a roll of paper towels and the semi-sweet lime smell of Simple Green and my desk actually looked beige again.  Of course the fumes from the Simple Green made me woozy and I don't remember the two hours that followed.

Thanks to everyone that told me that I looked tired today.  That's because I was.  

Sometimes I go to lunch around 12:30 and there isn't a free table.  Other times, like today, my co-worker and I were the only two people in there.  Where do those other people eat lunch on non crowded days.  Did I miss a memo about free lunches or a secret club?

I have three bobble heads on my desk of real people.  I think if when I become famous and they decided to make a bobble head of me I would be weirded out thinking about me sitting on the desk of random people.  And I would always be agreeing with them because of the bobble nature.

NetFlix recommended "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as a movie I might enjoy.  While it's true i do enjoy that flick I tend to not be in the mood for it August

~ The Office Scribe

Aww Dammit!

So I worked until 6 today.  I thought all day about the overly snarky post I would write tonight.  About how I hate working until 6 on Fridays.  About how jealous I am of the people on another floor who only work half days.  About how I envied my friend who has the day off and spent it catching up on True Blood.

As I left work I was still in a mood, large fat drops of rain falling from the heavens dampening not only the ground but my spirits.

But then I looked up from my car on the parking deck and damn if there wasn't a brilliant rainbow arching its way across the sky.

Sometimes it's the little things that can erase an entire day of insanity.

Have a good weekend!

~ The Office Scribe

Dear Life, Please Don't End While I'm At Work

I don't have many fears in life.  It's not that I am overly brave.  It's more like I just don't care enough to be bothered.  Why freak out about a spider on the ceiling when one good whack with a flip flop can take of it?  

So aside from candy corn and down escalators my only real fear is of tornados.  I guess it call all be traced back to when I was 7 or 8 and freaked out during a tornado because I saw garbage cans blowing about like that stupid bag from American Beauty.  Or perhaps it has something to do with people turning into witches and midgets with candy.  Who knows.

Lately in Chicago we have been having some wacky weather.  The other night some tornados swept thought the midwest and just hearing about it gave me the chills.  I haven't had to head into the bathroom (the only room in my apartment sans windows) quite yet but last year the tornado sirens shagged us out of the office and into the basement at the office.  

There is nothing quite like being in the basement of an office building with 150 of your co-workers when there is impending doom.  I mean, as much as I adore my co-workers I don't really want to spend my last moments on earth with them before our ugly pink office building crashes down upon us.

There are places I would rather spend my last minutes.  Such as on a roller coaster (they said that last drop was a doosy!) or perhaps in the arms of Alexander Skarsgard (did you see True Blood last Sunday?).

Maybe I should just relax and fret over the most common dangers in the office - manilla envelope paper cuts and getting hit in the face by the bathroom door.

~ The Office Scribe

The Sugar and Salt Diet

Who says there are four food groups?  In my office these days there only seems to be two things that a person needs to survive:  Sugar and salt.

Sugar is mainly consumed in the following forms:

- Candy from the candy shoebox on my desk

- Mountain Dew 

- Candy from the giant bag in HR

- Cupcakes

- Candy from front desk

- Birthday cookies

 

I have seen more Tootsie Rolls eaten in the past month than in the previous 27 years of my life.

Salt is mainly consumed in the following forms:

- Pretzels from the container from Menards (seriously - the best pretzels in the world)

- Fritos

- Potato Chips

- Morton Salt Pellets for your water softener

- Barnyard Salt licks

The greatest invention we have found is the chocolate covered pretzel or salted carmels.

Why this strange diet?

It is what is eaten when people are too busy to take a proper lunch, have headaches due to the weather, and have to answer illogical questions.

When we have a coronary/diabetic attack no one should be surprised.

~ The Office Scribe

Don't like this diet?  I accept salads by mail.