Manic Monday #62

My life would be so much easier if I had a butler.  Preferably someone like Alfred from the Batman movies.  I'd prefer Michael Caine but I'd pretty much settle for any man over the age of 64 with a British accent.

Two days ago we had a blizzard.  Last night we had a thunderstorm.  It's official - I no longer know how to dress for work in the morning.

While answering phones at the front desk I forgot my name.  Try explaining that pause to the client without sounding like a complete idiot.

I decided I need to wear a pedometer around the office because I bet I walk well over 5 miles each day and the only way to prove it is to clock it.  And yes, that means I don't spend nearly as much time as I should at my desk.  

The number one phrase I utter at work is "Yes, you with your hand raised" and no, I am not a school teacher.

My red pen died today.  I think it is a conspiracy by those who wish to stop me from editing their work with my charming yet snarky comments.

~ The Office Scribe

Hello 2012!

Ahh, nothing like the first blog post of the year.

At least you can all be thankful that I didn't do one of those god-awful year in review posts.

Nor am I going to list a bunch of goals and resolutions that I will never get around to achieving.

Basically this post is to remind all of you that this is the year to check as many items off your bucket list as humanly possible.

You can thank the Mayans for this line of thinking*.

But that doesn't mean you can shirk your responsibilities - which means you all have to go back to work tomorrow, or in my case, Tuesday.

~ The Office Scribe

* I think you can also thank them for chocolate.  So yay Mayans!

Missing - My Key Card

Missing - One electronic key card which allows me to get into my office suite.  Last seen in my back pocket at the holiday party on Friday.

Possible locations include:
- Somewhere in the chaos that is my cubicle
- At the bar where we went after the party
- Still in the jeans I wore Friday
- My car
- My mom's house
- The inside of my rottweiler
- The wallet of someone who really wants to get into the office
- A local hospital
- One of the various purses I didn't carry in the past 4 days, but where stuff still seems to end up
- Narnia

I really hope it's in one of the above locations because I don't want to have to shell out $10 for a new one and suffer the looks of the people in HR, as this is the second one I have lost.

Reward - None.  If I was willing to pay money, I would just get a new card.

~ The Office Scribe

Manic Monday #61

Sadly I did not win anything at the office holiday party.  So that makes my official stats when it comes to winning 2 wins, 4 losses.

Nothing like driving past the mall at noon on a Monday during what is supposed to be a bad economy and seeing every single parking spot full.  (And don't judge me for not being at work on a Monday at noon - I took every Monday off in December.)

To the lady arguing in line at the grocery store - yes, there is a difference between cilantro and Italian parsley.

Fun fact - If you steal something the guys at Pawn Stars won't buy it.  So the lesson there is lie about the origins of your awesome stuff, take the money and run.

I spent the day doing laundry and I still have no idea what to wear to work tomorrow.


~ The Office Scribe

Stove Top? Really?

I was watching an episode of South Park last night and in it there is a stuffing shortage.  Cartman freaked out and dragged his mom to the store in search of this oh-so-perfect side dish.  But alas, the shelves were bare.

Luckily, this would never be an issue in my family because while we'll use pre-packaged stuffing at other times of the year, where it comes to Thanksgiving, we make it from scratch, using a recipe that has been handed down through the ages.  A recipe that I now pass along to you in hopes that it will make your Thanksgiving just that much more awesome.

Yes, I know this really doesn't have anything to do with working in an office - but since I am not in the office this week, why should my posts be about a place I am not in.  That would be like me blogging about Hawaii or Wal-Mart.

~ The Office Scribe

Family Bread Stuffing My family can trace this recipe to 1911 when my Great-grandfather,  then a 16-year-old teenager, worked in a lumber camp outside of Eugene, Oregon as an assistant to the camp cook as he was not old enough to do the actual lumbering. ·         1 loaf white bread ·         1 bay leaf ·         2 apples, peeled & grated ·         1 tbsp baking powder ·         1 onion, peeled and grated ·         ½ - 1 lb. butter ·         1 egg ·         1 tbsp dried sage ·         salt & pepper to taste ·         Water, if needed to moisten The night before, tear the bread into bite-size pieces, place bread pieces in a bowl and cover with a towel. Set the bowl on the countertop overnight and allow the bread to dry out. The next morning, after rinsing out the turkey, mix together all ingredients in a large bowl and add water to moisten, if needed. Stuff the turkey cavity and bake per instructions on the bird. When turkey is done, using a large spoon remove all stuffing and place in an oven-safe bowl. While the turkey is resting, place bowl in oven until top slightly browns. Remember to remove the bay leaf prior to serving. Some shortcuts that have evolved over the years are: • Once bread is torn it can be placed on a baking sheet or in a 13x9-inch pan and placed in the oven overnight as this allows for more evenly drying out the bread. There is no need to turn on the oven. If you are in a hurry, the oven can be turned to the lowest setting and the bread should dry out within 20 minutes. • Use a natural chunky applesauce in place of peeling and grating the apples. • Use turkey or chicken broth in place of some of the butter for flavor and less calories. This is especially good if you are making dressing rather than stuffing as it will have the poultry flavor. Broth can also be used in place of water to moisten if needed. • Chopped celery can be added to the onion. You can begin the recipe by sweating the onion and celery in some melted butter, remove from stovetop, and then add the remaining ingredients. • I have never used packaged, pre-cut bread cubes, but do not see why they would not work.

Manic Monday - The Thanksgiving 2011 Edition

Nothing like starting my week of vacation by running into the office for 20 minutes to mail something to a client.  I can't tell if I am super dedicated or super crazy.

Emo Rupert Everett was enjoying a cigarette outside Starbucks today.  Whenever I see him I can't help but giggle.

I am in the process of cleaning my desk out at home, which if you have ever seen my desk you know is a somewhat daunting task.  So far, some of things I have found include:
- An Oscar Meyer weenie whistle
- Multiple packages of Spider Man pencils, which is odd since I am not a fan of Spiderman or pencils)
- Four hole punches, as in quantity of hole punches, not in how many holes they punch
- A night light shaped like a Knight
- A shot glass from Oxford
- Road trip magnetic license plate game
- Violet flavored mints which are awesome if you can ever find them in a place that isn't my desk

~ The Office Scribe

And The Fifth Horseman Is Cold Season

Yes ladies and gents, it's that fabulous type of year otherwise known and Cold & Flu season.  It's seems like just as the mercury starts to drop and we turn our clocks back* I get a nice cold.  I totally blame it on my coworkers, especially those with kids, as I am sure that it is in schools that all modern day plagues start.  Starting last Monday (which yes, was Halloween) I began feeling what my father would have called "punky" - itchy eyes, slight cough, moderate fever, etc.

So I did what any dedicated employee would do - I dosed myself with NyQuil, went to sleep early, and was prepared to feel better come Tuesday morning.

But when my alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. I rolled over, looked at the clock and thought "Can I do it? Can I drag myself out of bed and make it work work?"  I dwelled on it for about 30 seconds and then did the unthinkable and called in sick to work.

November 1, 2011 was my first full sick day of the day (I did take half a day in the Spring, but that doesn't count).  I mean, I guess that is why were are all given sick days.  I did it because yes, I felt like crap, but because I also didn't want to infect any of my coworkers.  Now you may be thinking "Wow, that is so nice, taking your coworkers health into consideration."  But truthfully, I did it to keep them at work so I don't have to cover for them.

Anywho, it's now Saturday and I am about 95% better, except for the cough that won't go away.  But that's why the medicine gods gave us Robitussin and Luden's throat drops.

~ The Office Scribe

*Um, speaking of changing the clocks, why does this always happen on the weekends?  Sure, when I used to go to church it was worth a chuckle or two to see everyone who forgot and would show up for mass early/late, but I think it would be much funnier if it happened on a random Wednesday and all us cubicle monkey's had to remember so we wouldn't be late for work.  Who do I write to in order to get this changed?