Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Best Bucket List Item Ever

Today the sun was streaming in at such an angle that I couldn't help but think of the scene in Temple of Doom Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indian Jones is in the pit using the thing on a stick to located the ark.

So I shoot an e-mail off to my coworker informing him that I believe I am being lead to the Ark of the Covenant.

His reply:  If you want to go find it, I'll drive. I've always wanted to see a Nazi melt.

Best. Bucket. List. Item. Ever.

And I guess Dr. Jones is one of the few than can check that off...

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, November 22, 2010

Manic Monday #43

The best conversations you can have with your coworkers aren't work related. For example - today a coworker and I had a conversation about who caused more problems in the world - vampires or werewolves. Huh?

Woke up to a balmy 65 degree day, which was highly unusual for this late in November in Chicago.  Of course, that probably the reason my mom called me with sirens blaring in the background to inform me that she was watching a tornado about a mile or so from her house.  What makes this even more bizarre?  Last night I had a dream that my dad and I were in a tornado and to save ourselves we chained ourselves to a fence and it worked.  Did I mention "Twister" is one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies?

The most dangerous website in the world is the Oriental Trading Company.  

I am afraid the seasonal plague is starting at work as it seems everyone is in search of tissues.  Now is the time of year where I want to become the Girl in the Plastic Cubicle.

You know what happens when the office is closed on a Friday?  Yeah, that's right.  We get casual Wednesday instead!

~ The Office Scribe

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Bad Karma - or - Bad Ass?

Legend has it, there will come a time when those in need of a hero shall cry out, and one shall appear.  This hero, armed with weapons, shall be fearless and protect those who cannot defend themselves. The here will vanquish all that is evil and the masses shall rejoice.

That time was today...

Or maybe I just heard some co-workers talking about how there was a spider in the printer and my inner Girl Scout came out.  I strolled up to the printer, scared the 8 legged fiend out of hiding and sent him to meet his maker.

People were glad I killed it and the day got back to normal.

Until someone said how you never kill a spider because it is bad luck.

In my efforts to protect those I work with, did I just screw myself over in the karma department?

~The Office Scribe

Monday, November 15, 2010

Manic Monday #42

Nothing makes the day go slower than knowing that dinner means bacon wrapped dates and sangria.

I just realized I left something on the printer.  There is a decent chance it will still be there tomorrow, unless the printer gnomes got to it.  If you work in an office with a communal printer, you know what I am talking about.  You could make it to the printer in record time and sometimes your stuff has already disappeared.

Something tells me my office may not be pager friendly.  And that something is that it is not the year 1996.

Nothing shocks my coworkers more than when I take 10 minutes in the morning to straighten my hair, rather than throwing it up in a clip as usual. So remember, the simplest way to shock and awe is minute grooming.

I know geography pretty well and I don't think Chicago is north of the Arctic Circle.  So could someone explain to me why the sun sets at 4:43 p.m. making it seem like the world has been plunged into eternal darkness.

~ The Office Scribe

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I Mourn For The Pilgrims

I came out of work today on the second story of the parking deck and froze in my tracks...

Because where I stood, I could see a giant white Christmas tree on top of the mall up the street.

Words can't describe my anger.

I weep for the turkeys and maize.

~ The Office Scribe

The Reason I'm Away From My Desk

Since they turned on the heat in my building I have slowly started to feel myself dry out into some sort of dehydrated vegetable.  Raisin?  No, to common.  Prune.  Ewww.  I would have to go with a date - slightly shriveled, but still sweet and especially tasty when wrapped in bacon.

To combat the encroaching dryness, I decided to take the drastic action of drinking the recommended servings of water (or whatever liquid) per day.  Please note, this is not as easy as it seems.  8 - 8 oz glasses of water is a lot of liquid to consume.  But if it stops me from looking like Mrs. Bates at the end of Psycho, I will drink.

My quest started last week with water.  I am one of those people who really likes water.  Plain old water.  No bubbles, no flavors, just water.  But the thing about drinking that much straight water is it feels like a chore.  So I decided to switch it up a bit, and go with Iced Tea.

I love Iced Tea possibly more than any other person on the face of the planet.  While I was on vacation last month, I think I drank 2-3 glasses a meal (and not that weird sweet tea stuff they have down south, just straight up tea on the rocks).  If I could have one of those giant metal dispensers like at Panera installed in my house, I would.

But since I don't have one of those at home, or at work, I came up with a way to get my hydration on via tea.

Step 1 - Take 32 oz. Nalgene bottle and fill 3/4 full with hot water from the handy tap in the coffee machine

Step 2 - Insert 2 Lipton tea bags (regular, non flavored tea)

Step 3 - Let steep for 2 minutes

Step 4 - Top off bottle with ice.

Step 5 - Consume

This is working wonders for me.  I no longer feel like my eyeballs are shriveling inside my head.

There just seems to be one downfall.  I am going to be classy and not mention it, but I think you may now understand the title of this post...

~ The Office Scribe

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sorry To Dissapoint

A coworker whom I work closely with is currently out of the office.  And since I am his back up, quite a few people have inquired as to his whereabouts.  When I tell them "on vacation in Europe" their reply has a note of disappointment in it. (Though I am not sure why - I'd be pretty happy to be in Europe instead of my cubicle.)

But it got me thinking that perhaps I should start to get more creative when answering questions about people's whereabouts.

At first I thought I would go the dramatic route - mention something about a loss in the family.  But after trying to think how to explain random sympathy cards and flowers I scrapped that.

Then I thought I'd go wacky - like parachuting over Everest with a monkey.  But in today's age of social media, people would know it was all a lie when it didn't end up on Facebook.

Hoarding was my next thought - Okay, mainly because I was reading an article about it on lunch today.  But come on - being buried alive under a stack of old Reader's Digest was a bit to "CSI".

So I am turning to you.  What should I start telling people?  The more creative, the better.

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, November 8, 2010

Manic Monday #41

A co-worked called me this morning to ask if I would bring him Starbucks.  I said sure.  At said coffee franchise, the youngin' who waited on me kinda looked like the werewolf from those "Twilight" movies.  I don't know which was more pathetic - that he has the looks of a teen heartthrob and is making lattes or that I am 28 years old and my first thought was "That guy looks like Jacob Black".

Choosing your companies holiday party theme based solely on the desire for a nacho cheese fountain may be the best idea we have ever had.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - the best part about working at a company where so many people travel abroad it the cool candy that ends up in my candy dish upon their return. Mini Toberlones anyone?

Jimmy John's should really just open a franchise in the lobby of my office building and save the driver that 2 block drive.

Last Friday it was so cold at work that people were leaving the building in gloves and scarves.  Today, I didn't even need a jacket.  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we are in a horrible economy. The inconsistent weather patterns mean we have to have both a summer and a winter wardrobe in November.  Where's the government bailout for my Eddie Bauer bill?

I guess it's that time of year where I should bring a box of tissues for my desk - because blowing ones nose in index cards only lasts for so long. (Can you say nasal paper cut?)

~ The Office Scribe

Monday, November 1, 2010

Manic Monday #40

Sadly, this was not a truly Manic Monday.  I tried to think about things to write, but I was too busy at work and too tired.

If I ever mention how I am going to a party, would someone please remind me I am no longer 18 and can't quite bounce back like I used to?

~ The Office Scribe